


Wolven Lullabye

by SunSpice



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-01-07 06:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18405341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunSpice/pseuds/SunSpice
Summary: When the snows fall, and the White Winds blow- the Lone Wolf dies, but the pack survives. Alone Lyra Stark has done many things, but her struggle to survive is about to become more complicated, as Winter threatens and the Wights gather strength, she must come to terms with her past, who she was, and who she has become. But her journey does not end at Castle Blacks gates, no indeed it has only just begun. AU, OC, expect cannon divergence.





	1. Chapter 1

Authors Note: This is my second or third GoT fanfic (Sorry GG Fans) and I despair because I get so easily distracted. Definitely AU, so if that isnt your thing go ahead and move along <3 I’m bending the TV shows version of Thenns to my liking, be forewarned. I also do not know if I will be writing beyond the chapters I've already finished, at least not for awhile. I'm just tired of this lingering.

 

Tags: OC, Female Original Character, Cannon Typical Violence, I literally will spend the rest of the night tagging this thing if I wrote every house and person in this fic, 

 

Wolven Lullabye

Who's in your shadows?  
Who's ready to play?  
Are we the hunters?  
Or are we the prey?  
There's no surrender  
And there's no escape  
Are we the hunters?  
Or are we the prey?  
-Ruella, Game of Survival

 

The winds of the north whistled through the barren boughs of the tall pine trees on either side of me, shaking snow from the needles as I passed just south of Craster’s Keep, mindful to keep silent- even more then any normally did. He would find no urge to join his harem in my blood, it was just the most convenient way for me to get from where I was, to where I needed to be. The Wall stretched from one coast to the next, you would think it hard to miss- yet here I was taking the normal paths rather then sneaking through the underbrush as I preferred to. 

The Haunted forest was a place I found comfortable, it provided cover and shelter during the worst of storms, and was a place one might easily disappear in if they knew the terrain well enough. I’d lost many a Crow among the tall trees, but there was always the presence of wild things too hungry to think better, and occasionally the stray Walker. Thenns as a whole generally avoided leaving the valley they called home unless they were interested in raiding something- be it a small village or something similar, but they were unfortunately on the move now and this was the reason I’d chose the quickest route, rather then the most secure. 

The sky was beginning to darken, and it wouldn't be long before making camp became necessary. Most wildlings had the sense to keep well away from the Wall if they had a chance or choice, it was just a shame I wasn’t most wildlings. If my luck held I would be near White Tree by the end of next day, the village still held some supplies- abandoned as it was now, no one would have disturbed them. 

Not that anyone could blame the Freefolk for that, a hunting party leaves only to return as a host of dead intent on making the rest of the village that same? Not something anyone would play with, if given half the chance. But by all other accounts it was abandoned now, likely the wights were either lying in wait or moved on completely. Something I would not usually bet on honestly, but again the Thenns and their hunting.

Maybe if they happened across me they might leave me be, sometimes that happened- they would think twice about attacking me, and then maybe they wouldn't. It was hard to say what might happen, and I wasn't taking any chances. So to White Tree I would go, even if the more primal portion of my mind did not like it- my instincts were sharper than most, thankfully or I would be dead. 

The whistle of the wind, and the crunch of falling snow were my only company as I moved forward making me reflect for just a moment on the warm hut I left behind me. Pondering on what my man might be doing now; perhaps cooking dinner, shuffling around the hut in his way and mumbling about it being to small once more. It was silly honestly, I built the hut for myself in the forest to the North long before he came in to the picture. The largest thing in my life that happened to have anything to do with it was Ash, and she didn't care for the indoors unless it was storming.

Sundown came all to quickly, and I was ready to greet it, a warm fire set into a sunken pit; the shelter it was a part of was well concealed, and well taken care of by the Wildlings that came and went regularly. In the North the temperature dropped rapidly after dusk, and if one could avoid being outside after nightfall one did. It often meant the difference between life and death for those with a lighter constitution, not that there were many in the North with light constitutions but at the very least it was like falling into a freezing pond even for me. 

Often I put off imagining what it might be like in the North during winter- true winter that was, not the occasional snow and then thaw that was normal here. I'd only just lived out the tail end of the last in the North and that was in a well kept hut in a good safe village. Or another hut in a sheltered valley after that, both places which I would not be returning to. The first having been burnt to the ground, and the second- actually that one was likely burnt to the ground as well. 

There were many things I would have to consider now, as much as I'd been putting them off, it was as father said all the same: Winter is Coming.

______________

 

“House Tully?” Asked Maester as my hand settled on Benjen's head stopping from fidgeting in his seat- he was usually much more absorbed in his lessons, a good book learner, but today he was all over the place. Looking up I smiled before answering, “Too easy- Family, Duty, Honor.” 

“Good, very good- alright then, House Targaryen?” the withered old Maester, older than most in Winterfell said turning towards my sister. “Blood and Fire.” She pronounced proudly, turning back to me with her knowing smile- the one she always wore when she was up to no good. My face changed into a questioning look, I could feel it and I quirked my head at her a silent question.

“It’s a shame,” she began, looking at me with sudden hostility “That you aren’t a Tully sister- at least then you might have been able to remember what was important.” Flinching back the room suddenly seemed to close in around me, making me stand abruptly, knocking over the bench behind me. A sharp fear cut through me then as I realized that Benjen was gone, where was Benjen? My eyes shot frantically to the Maester, but his face was as still as stone no change of expression. Turning again to my sister, suddenly she too was gone, the room was dark- darker than it should have been even in winter.

Noises seemed to echo in the distance, and I glanced up at the windows, noticing immediately that they were unshuttered, as they never were in winter- too much wind meant snow flurries. Snow flurries meant wet stone and cold rooms, no servant or family member would make that mistake. Moving to close them I stopped short at the amount of snow that was accumulated at the base of the window, there was so much of it- too much for only a brief spell of time. Turning back towards the Maester to say something about this, I stopped short realizing that suddenly he too was gone. 

The shutters were suddenly forgotten, other things were more important- finding my brother to start, they wouldn't all suddenly leave without reason. Moving I strode towards the doorway, passing through it into the Great hall feet pausing at this- that was not right. Why wasn’t it right? My mind knew, but I couldn't say just why. Fathers seat however drew my attention, and in it was something I could tell you didn’t belong. A man, pale hair shining in the dim light, violet eyes piercing me and I felt suddenly small. 

_________________________________________________

Then I was jolted awake by something heavy landing on my stomach, and I looked around hand going to my bow, only to sigh as I realized that it had merely been Ash’s massive head pinning me down, as she often did when I was sleeping restlessly. A hand went to rub her giant satin soft ears, and she gave me a wolfish huff. She was enjoying every second of it, but she was also grumpy- she didn't like leaving her den so late in the season. For which I couldn't blame her, I didn't like leaving my hut either but there was nothing for it. The moot had taken place, and I was on my way South- it was what it was. 

Pushing myself up I moved towards the fire, glowing embers in the darkness of the shelter that I stoked to life once more. My hands went to my pack, and I pulled the means for tea from it, grabbing some dried meat as well for breakfast. A few strips went into a small pot that hung above the fire with a could of handfuls of snow, and a few went to Ash. 

The direwolf could and would catch her own prey, but that didn't mean I didn't give her a few treats from time to time. She was perhaps slightly spoiled, but who had the heart to say no to a massive predator really? Another set of ear rubbing and some tea later I was awake enough to look at the rough map I kept in my pack with a grimace; longing for true cartography filled me with an unholy zeal. Life and travel would be so much easier with a proper map, instead I had a buckskin, careful prepared with names and routes drawn in charcoal on it. The distance each route took in time noted on the side, and hazards that id encountered along the way drawn as neatly as possible.

It made for a rough map, but to a decent mapper it was a joke- scribbled lines and bad handwriting. But it served its purpose, as I could keep the information in my head but risk it getting knocked out if I got in a scuffle. Really one of my most heavily traded goods was information, or rather the items I traded were average- meat, fur, wooden tools and weapons. But it was the information I kept about routes that made each village I visited eager for me to return; all to often nowadays there were hidden things creeping where long it had been safe. 

The sound of light footsteps made me pause and listen, delicate and distinct I pulled my bow from its place stringing it quickly and quietly. Another noise, and I clicked my fingers together signalling the already hidden wolf to pounce- a crash and suddenly the buck was jumping out of the bush well ahead of me, stupidly aiming to run passed me on the track instead of going the other way. It made to turn at the last second moving to jump into the brush and I took that moment to strike, hitting it just so with my stone tipped arrows.

The buck dropped, massive black direwolf behind it skidding to a stop just barely before bowling me over, tail wagging as I gave her a grin. Fresh meat was always appreciated, and this bounty would mean avoiding White Tree all together, my instincts seemed to sooth at this thought and I went to work dressing the animal as quickly and efficiently as I possibly could. Ash received the organs as thanks, and because I couldn't possibly do anything with them in the short amount of time I had to take care of the carcass. It was bad enough that I couldn’t drag the whole thing with me- bones were good for broth and marrow, the antlers I could at least strap to my pack, and the skin was easily stripped. But I couldn't obviously take everything, and the rest would be left to the direwolf- she could catch up after she was done, four legs were much faster then two.

My route took an entirely different turn now- quite literally as it meant I could head straight for my intended goal, and avoid restocking at the village. In truth I had been hoping to for something similar to happen, but hunting was less likely now to yield anything for my effort then it was in winter- I’d spent hours doing just that the day before I’d left my hut with little reward. Time was my hut was set so far into the wood it had been all but brimming with game ready for the taking, but times change and there was a new predator in the forest. Something that didn’t care for the warm or living, things that didn’t tire or weaken, things that wouldn't stop until their prey joined them in the realm of cold walking death.

A day and a half shaved off my trip south, a new route and more meat then I should probably ever need meant good spirits accompanied me all the way to the next hidden shelter, even as the sun crept low in the sky and I routed around from some proper deadfall to make into firewood. But this though settled again into the same determination I felt before the buck, outwardly I was calm, calm as the lamb might be when it was led to the slaughter- but inwardly I was a mess. Traveling south of White Tree hadn’t been out of the question for me in the past- It wasn’t the village or the area that was giving me pause, it was the Wall, and admittedly the crows. Of course if I really wanted to go south, my route would easily have veered off to the east where the wood ran right up to the edge of the wall. Like so many before me I could scale the solid ice, and in very little time be on the other side- away from the cold desolation of the tundra. A land that lived in eternal winter did not retain any sort of appeal, but it wasn’t for the green or growing things that I was going south. 

Ironically enough I was going to the Wall for the very reason that made me fear it, I was going to the wall for the Crows. The thought made me rub my hands together, and I tried not to dwell on the aching scar in right shoulder, a reminder of the last time I’d run into the black clad men. Proof that not even I was safe from their cruelties- not all Crows were, but you only had to run into the bad ones once honestly. Throwing another log on the fire I tried not to dwell on how sad this made me feel, choosing to cook some venison over the fire instead. Tomorrow was going to be a long enough day without me dwelling on things best left dead.

____________________________________________________

 

The pause, it was always there- whenever I stood at the edge of the Haunted wood it was there, like a wild animal scenting the air for danger I waited, breath slow and quiet, eyes searching, searching the vast swath of white for anything that I might need to avoid. Ash came to stand beside me silently, ever the glowing star in my mind- I let my mind slip, falling from woman to wolf so I might scent the wind with her nose rather than mine. 

Our long narrow snout lifted breathing in- snow, cold, brisk and ever present, like background noise in the world of scent. Scat- decaying hay giving away it as domestic, a horse, healthy, underlying human scent clinging to it just so. But faded, a day old at least. Instinct made the wolf turn and take another breath, pine and old decay, the scent that belonged to the woman/wolf/sister, remnants of wood smoke and something else. Another breath as the wind shifted, blowing now from the northwest and carrying with it the putrid scent of death, not the Wights but something else. A growl left her, left them both and her mind separate from Ash’s leaving her in her own skin once more.

“Fucking Thenns.” I muttered under my breath, hitching my pack up higher before stepping out into the white space beyond. The Crows might kill me, or they might let me live- the Thenns, now they would kill me, or I might hope that they would. They’d long since moved on from thinking to take me alive, and I was more certain now then I’d even been that these men were after me and nothing else. Thirteen years, it’d been thirteen years and still they wanted to take me back. Dead or alive, I belonged to them, or so according to their beliefs I did. Today was not a good day, my feet almost seemed to drag across the snow as I walked, mind far and away as I distracted myself with scanning the horizon.

‘Stop dragging your feet Lyra, you’ll have to go to your fittings eventually.’ Cut through my thoughts for a brief second, and for a brief moment I stumbled before righting myself. A moment later and I was trudging onward, ignoring the fact that the voice in my head wasn’t my own- but rather the voice of a man I knew was long dead. “Shut up Brandon.” I said to no one, knowing it wasn’t going to help. ‘Lyanna doesn’t want to go either!’

__________________________________________________

The Wall was… So much more intimidating up close then I remembered, although I would admit that I’d been close enough to touch it before, but then at least it was made almost forgettable by the forest that stood so close. The watch couldn’t keep the entire wall free of trees and growth, despite their trying- once it might have been so, but they long since become ill favored, and from the infrequent trips I’d taken south, that much hadn’t changed since the day I crossed fifteen years past. The days seemed so much longer then that, less like years and more like another life entirely. Experience was suppose to make one wise, but I only felt old, and tired even as the cold made my bones and joints ache. 

Shaking myself I attended again to the moment at hand, and to the fact that the gate in front of me finally seemed to be moving. The watch above had to have spotted me at least twenty minutes before I reached the wall, I would have paid to know the thoughts of whatever men spotted me first. Well besides the likely urge to shoot me full of arrows the second they were able, but really that's a given. There had to have been an easier way to do this, really, but I couldn’t in all honestly think of it, my hand went to the fur of my companion almost nervously. 

She was stubborn, and refused to run even when I tried to make her. Where I went, the old wolf followed. It was her way, and there was no changing her mind. Truth be told, we would both probably die here- the Crows were just as likely to kill me as to listen to what I had to say. But I had to try, I was the only one that would- not that they would listen. An attempt would be made nonetheless, it was after all really the only thing I had left to do. I had nothing else.

Bows were ready, arrows held loosely even as I saw other crows with swords drawn, and one man seemed to lead the group- ten men total all armed. Three scanned the distance from just behind the leader, looking for the ambush that would not come- or at least I did not believe it would come. Maybe the Thenns would be that stupid, and then my day would get just that much more interesting. The leader seemed to me almost to be familiar, but I couldn’t place just why and I pushed the thought away for now, taking in his well formed frame and greyed hair, older, well fed, worked out regularly- as to be expected from the night's watch. Cold eyes, square jaw stubble, I disliked him already. He looked like the type worth disliking.

“State your purpose Wildling.” Said the man, he was a good ten feet from me at this point, too close if he thought he was out of reach from me, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. I moved a hand up slowly, moving it towards the wrap I kept around my face- it was too cold to stand around without it, and the bowmen seemed twitchy. Pulling it just so I dislodged the bottom portion of it before speaking.

“I am here to speak to the First Warden or the Watch Commander.” I stated calmly, clearly- more clearly then I felt I actually could. The man gave a cold dead laugh, before giving a shake of his head.

“Do you think it’s that easy? I’m surprised a wildling woman would come this close to the wall, I’ll give you credit for brass girl. But you won't be able to seduce your way through the wall.” Why did men always assume that- I all but rolled my eyes, choosing my next words carefully.

“I’m here to speak to the First Warden or the Watch Commander, if I wanted to be on the other side of the wall I would be.”

“Is that right?” He said suddenly, “And how would you do that I wonder?” I looked at Ash, wishing she understood what a dead panned look meant. She could sense my frustration, but that was nothing new, and she shifted making the men jump, sitting on her rump with a huff. She hated standing still, and I could relate.

“I will say this once more, I am here to speak to the First Warden, or the Watch Commander- It is rather important.”

“And why pray tell should I bring the Watch Commander or even the First Warden word from a wildling?” He questioned looking 

“Because I am no Wildling, my name is Lyra Stark of Winterfell.” Only the wind replied.


	2. Tooth and Claw

We’re all killers. We’ve all killed parts of ourselves to survive. We’ve all got blood on our hands, something somewhere had to die so we could survive.”  
~if memories could bleed, if dreams could scream | m.a.w (via dvoyd)

 

The blant rejection and disbelief on his face almost made me laugh, almost but I settled for stoich honesty instead, I had to- if I laughed now he would be offended, or think this was some sort of trick and I would lose this game. 

“Bullshit.” Left his mouth an accusation, even if there did seem to be a small bit of recognition in those eyes- I did know him then, likely very distantly, or maybe it was my sisters semblance that he knew and not mine. He took a step forward, forgetting himself I could see arm raised as if he was going to try and remove my headwrap albeit from ten feet away, but he quickly checked that urge the moment Ash decided to remind everybody that she was large, and carnivorous with a low growl. Putting a hand to her fur I muttered a few comforting words before I put my other hand up to push my wrap onto my shoulders completely.

My face might have changed over the years, and the dark ash that I used to help with the light glare might accentuate the angles of my eyes, but the dark curls I wore were ever the same. Now the man definitely seemed to pale, taking a breath he made an almost step back, as if he’d seen a ghost. If I’d known I would have gotten this reaction, I might have tried it sooner- or maybe not.

“Prove it.” He finally said, as if I could just pull out an official decree of my birth from the archives of Winterfell, or maybe from the Citadel even? No I seemed to be fresh out of those, instead of that I settled for a look as I rubbed my temple, brain working think of something. 

“Very well, how would you like me to prove it?” I asked, hoping that he would be able to come up with something that wasn’t entirely impossible. This was starting to remind me of a tale I’d read as a child, something about a dragon and three riddles or such nonsense. 

“We met once, at the Grand Tourney,” His voice drawing a bit, and I pulled at my mind trying to remember back almost sixteen years “Tell me this, what is my name?” His question was a nightmare, because I could remember meeting so many at that tourney specifically- it had been our first time to anything so official, Lyanna and I that is. My mind seemed to work overtime, trying to fit this mans face to a time so long ago. That much time could really change a person physically and mentally, how did he even expect me to- one memory did slip out of the din. Purple and yellow flowers, an older night and looks of admiration, his hair had been darker then, but I was certain. 

Lyanna had many admirers, she was a beautiful woman, and she had to her a liveliness that I could never manage to emulate- even as her twin I was always overlooked. Honestly even as a small child I never could resent her for being the more acknowledged one, the shadows were quiet comfortable for me. In fact it had often proved to work in our favor, we had the perfect double act- for example she would do something to draw the cooks attention and I would steal extra sweets before anyone noticed. None of the servants ever caught on, except perhaps Old Nan, and we often shared with Benjen and Ned so they wouldn’t tell- Bran was always to busy being an Adult to want any. 

But returning to the present- this man, his face I remembered because for once he wasn't an admirer of Lyanna’s, he in fact was an admirer of mine. Or so I was lead to believe, he had been an older knight then as well, albeit still in his prime. But while I appreciated flowers as any girl did, his gift stuck out for a very different reason.

“Your Sir Alliser Thorn.” I said finally, more certain in that than anything else, he let out a huff as if that was exactly what he expected.

“Took you that long to remember?” He seemed upset by this and I let out a sigh, this was going to get an entirely different level of ugly if I wasn’t careful.

“It has been fifteen years Sir,” I said rubbing a temple, “In truth I met more people at the tourney then I can count. Tis a wonder I remember anyone at all honestly.”

“Had that many admirers did you?” This was said with a sneer, and I finally put two and two together, he must not have had any idea what flowers he’d given me.

“You gave me yellow carnations Sir Alliser.” I finally said filling in the uncomfortable silence. 

“Aye, and you threw them on the ground.” This sentence gave me all of the proof I needed, and I finally knew exactly what I had to say.

“Yellow carnations Sir mean disdain- I believed you were mocking me.” I said finally clearing that up, and a sort of understanding seemed to cross his face as well as a bit of regret? Perhaps, I could not truly say- the men around him seemed to shift uncomfortably, and this broke him from whatever revere he’d been in. 

Turning he spoke to one of his men, “Go to the Lord Commander, and the first ranger- tell them I'm bringing a guest. And tell them who.” He gave the man a bit of a shove before turning back to me, there was still an anger there- but it was no longer directed at me and I could live with that. “I’ll grant you entrance to Castle Black, but your wolf will have to stay here.” 

Shaking my head I told him, “She will not stay, wherever I go she follows.” Which was entirely true, she might range as far as she wanted, but she always came back, because pack was pack. Even if her pack member was somehow mistakenly born walking on two legs rather then four, if I told her to stay it was just as likely she would think I was being taken away and react thus.

“Not very well trained I take it.” He said looking at the wolf with no small amount of distrust- not that I could blame him, she was rather large, even for a direwolf and was often the cause of unrest because of it. No one likes a large predator slinking around, that was a give in- but I wouldn't go anywhere without her. 

“As well trained as any animal can be, but she distrusts men- for a very good reason you must understand.” I said before ensuring, “I will take full responsibility for her, she is quiet well behaved.” There was a pause then, he was uncomfortable with so many things about this- but unwilling to tell me to bugger off, we were at an impasse. Another moment passed only the wind echoing between us, and then I could see in his eyes the moment of acceptance. He’d sent a runner off with word of my appearance, and he couldn't in all honesty send me away now. 

“Very well then, but any damage done by the beast falls on your head.” Turning, he gave the order to let me pass and I followed him at a comfortable distance. Down into the tunnel and the darkness beyond, it wasn’t complete blackness- but the difference between the tunnel and the stark whiteness beyond the wall was enough that I had to stop and let my eyes adjust a bit, Ash on my heels. The trek through the tunnel brought to mind a very different but similar journey- in the other direction, but that was easy to dismiss as it was a blur now more than a memory.

Coming to the other side was like stepping into the light after years of darkness it seemed, if only because the winds that never abated North of the wall were blocked out by the sheer size of the structure. It was almost warm enough for me to take my outer coat off, almost but not quiet. 

“You’ll have to leave your weapons here.” Came Sir Alliser’s voice, breaking through my thoughts, and I nodded to him hand going to the crude swords I have strapped over each hip. A man jogged out of a door on the far side of the courtyard- they same man sent before us as a runner, and he bolted to the former knight as I signaled for Ash to wait against the wall. Off came my pack, bow and quiver, only to be set beside the wolf. The swords they could take, I had no ties to them- but everything else was mine and I would draw blood for it. I’d left anything of value back home, as I knew that anything I carried with me might end up in the hands of the Watch permanently.

Alliser jerked his head, a signal to go and I followed- I hated just following, for all I knew I was headed towards my death. But this was what I signed up for, I would have to accept that eventually. A brief moment passed when I was at the door to the keep, knowing that the point of no return had come and passed long before now. Yet there was still a bit of me, in my heart of hearts that wanted to stay away- wanted to run back into the white wilderness beyond the wall never to be seen again. To be sure a part of me would never be seen again, as I could sure as I was standing there say that I was not the same girl I’d been at sixteen. But I had to face this, and whatever fate befell my family on this side of the world.

Down a corridor we went, and then left at a split, another left after another corridor and so on we went deliberately confusing hallways meant to befuddle outsiders so that any attack would be delayed or stalled long enough for someone to gain the advantage meant nothing to me, as the halls of Winterfell were more ancient and twisted then even most of my family knew. My childhood had been heavily dedicated to find hidden passages, and rooms- Castle Black was built along the same lines as Winterfell, so in truth my knowledge of where you might find a decent hiding place could likely outstrip most of its current occupants. But that was a subject for another day.

The Commander's office was exactly where I suspected it might be, and I mentally marked it in my mind- should I ever need to remember it for another reason. Sir Alliser opened the heavy wooden door stepping through, and I took a moment to study the room as I entered. There were two other men there, one leaning up against a wall- tall and lean with his face hidden from view, the other sat in a large wooden chair. The worn face that starred back at me was familiar, although I had no idea I would be seeing it again despite the whispering of the wildlings I knew well- and Mance’s grumbling. Jeor Mormont was, and always had been a good man, it just hadn’t ever occurred to me that he would age like everyone else. Granted, one knew everyone aged- but knowing and seeing were two different things, my mind was trying very hard to reconcile the difference. 

Coming to a stop in the middle of the room gave my instincts some leeway, Alliser closed the door behind us moving to stand next to his commander, and I let my eyes wander taking in the martial organization in the room. It reminded me of my fathers study, back when I had no appreciation for the need to organize and keep notes. It took me a moment to shake the mental image out of my head, for it almost seemed to overlay the world around me, and I didn’t need that right now- my mind needed to be focused on the now, sharp to make up for my lack of blades.

The past was the past, and it needed to stay there- the future would come next. Licking my lips I looked once more at the man against the wall, hood up and leaning as he was it was hard for me to decipher whom he might be. But then I really wasn’t in the know when it came to ‘Counting the Crows’ as some wildlings called it, a past time for those who where much wronged by the Watch. In my mind I couldn’t hold it against them, Old Gods knew that I had reasons to hate these men myself. But I couldn’t see them as anything but human, whereas the Watch saw the ‘Wildlings’ as little better than animals, and the many tribes saw the ‘Crows’ in the same light.

It was a blood feud as old as the Wall, and likely I felt the be more deeply rooted, but unlike the wall, hearts could be moved- if only just. Alliser finished whispering into Mormonts ear whatever he felt was relevant before standing and the whole rooms attention was focused on me, the man against the walls- whom I was assuming was the First Ranger was always focused on me. The other two however had been more concerned with their exchange, something I wouldn’t suggest again in the future. One man wouldn’t stop me if I wanted them dead, swords or no- hell I knew a few wildlings that were liable to kill you with their bare hands, surrounded or not.

“So,” Jeor began old voice cutting through the relative silence cold eyes calculating where once they’d looked upon me kindly, I’d been a good correspondent with his son once- wherever Jorah was now, “You claim to be the missing Stark sister.”

“More or less,” I said with a shrug before adding, “But that could be because I AM Lyra Stark.” Hands gesturing as if to say ‘what do you know’ before dropping them back down to my sides. 

“And how do you expect me to accept this,” he gestured to me as if he wasn’t really certain to call it at first, “Do I take the word of a wildling that you are a member of the great noble houses of the seven kingdoms.”

“Absolutely not,” I said with a bit of a laugh, “I’d be more worried if you did accept my word for it, gods know your smarter than that.” I moved to pull something out of the sleeve of my furs, and the men in the room tensed. Sighing I said “Be calm, I only mean to show you something.” After a moment I pulled something out very slowly, before holding it out on the palm of my hand for everyone to see. It was a small token, something I’d managed to keep with me even after all the mess I’d been through- a bear's tooth hung on a small leather band, a tarnished silver cap kept it in place, and this cap was embellished by the Stark crest and few other meaningless symbols. 

It had once upon a time been a name day gift, given in conjunction with another that Lyanna had received the mirror to my own as both were from the same bear. My mind often wondered what became of it, but it was impossible to know now. Moving I set it on the desk in front of him, hoping he would remember it. Lyanna and I received so many name day gifts, with the bannermen of our house always eager to see the happy smile of a child. But this had been given to me on my tenth name day, if I recalled correctly, so there was no knowing. 

A weathered old hand moved to pick it up, still strong despite their age and I watched as he seemed to ruminate over it. Whatever marks might have been on it had long worn away from my running over it again and again with my own fingers, a worry stone if you will to occupy my mind and hands.

“Hmph,” he said looking at it closely, “I remember this bear- tough old thing, had to hunt it because it took to eating our sheep. But it will take more than a child's token to convince me that you are who you say you are. Lyra Stark disappeared in the middle of a war, her belongs could have ended up anywhere.”

“Hmmm.” I said thinking about it for a moment, I had many memories- but what memories would he know of? Alliser was easy in comparison. “When I was twelve, Lya and I went with Father to Bear island- I forget what for exactly, and we were told to play nicely with the other children. Somehow Lyanna ended up getting caught up in an argument with Jorah- she pushed him into the mud, he somehow managed to drag me down with him and because he couldn’t tell us apart, I got the blame.” 

At that age people could rarely tell us apart, and as we grew that scarcely wavered- with one noted exception, but I was not bringing that up for love or money. Finally at least this seemed to bring some light into the old man's eyes, and he set the claw down again closer to me then to himself offering it back to me. That day however was not what was playing my mind now, as I thought about it other things overshadowed the otherwise good trip. Flames were what came to mind, and I had to fight to push those thoughts away. A chuckle from the old man broke through my wall of thought then and I looked up, there was a twinkle in his eye now- as if he himself was only just remembering this.

“I remember that- not every day a boy as good as he was a that age gets trounced by a bookworm.” He said thawed if but a bit towards me.

“I was innocent of at least half the crimes I was accused of.” I said with some wounded pride.

“At least half, but not all.”

“God’s no, I wasn’t without blame entirely. I’m Stark after all, we have a reputation to maintain.” The mood in the room seemed to have shifted as a whole, as Sir Alliser seemed to believe that Jeor’s assessment only proved what he’d already assumed. The man against the wall of course still hadn’t moved, but that didn’t mean he was made of stone- only that he was more patient than most. I knew something about patience as well.

“Why didn’t you return after the war ended?” Jeor asked breaking me from my silent questions, and I grimaced before answering 

“I'm sorry did you say that the war was over? It’s hard to get Raven’s up here you know. Sometimes it hard to even shout at your neighbor about stealing your pig if the wind is loud enough.” They didn't seem to think it was funny, so I added, “I jest, I jest, I don't have any neighbors I live in the woods, just a very sketchy looking rock.”

“How did you get north of the wall.” Said the man against the wall finally, breaking his silence finally and I looked at him- there was something about his voice that seemed familiar, but I definitely couldn’t place it.

“I’m a Stark,” I said surprised anyone might ask, “My family built the wall. I was for the better part of my childhood a bookworm, if I don't know every passageway and fort between West Watch and East Watch, I don’t want to meet the man that does- because I hate to be shown up.” 

Lyanna was hotheaded, and I was prideful- we all had our sins, and mine was most definitely in believing that I was a know it all, or at least that I had been. Not everybody could knock someone out with their killer right hook and personality, that was Lya’s thing. A look of realization seemed to come across Mormonts face then, as if he had only now come to understand what my being here meant.

“You know how to get to the south side of the wall…” Alliser said after a moment, as if confirming what I was saying.

“I have for years,” came out in a voice I was hoping was more matter of fact than anything else, because that was how it felt to me, “I just haven’t wanted too.”

“Are you saying,” Jeor moment began with a look that was not as friendly as it had been, “That you’ve been on the North side of the Wall for years, and you could get south of it- but you won’t.”

“Yes, and before you ask-” I said putting up a hand, “I’ve never told any of the Wildlings how to get south of the wall, although it might solve some problems in the long run.” A long pause filled the room, tense and ugly in implication- broken only after a hard stare from Mormont.

“Why are you here girl?” Jeor said, and I could see why he might be having trouble. He was after all, a man of the Watch- none of them could ever consider being beyond the Wall for so long. If only because it made the normal person go a little strange in the head. It didn’t happen to Wildlings because, well they lived in the North, they knew how to deal with it. 

He was thinking that I’d gone over to their side, which was a reasonable thing to think in truth- but I hadn’t. Not entirely, as I still believed that there was some slim chance of peace between them, or at least enough to try and get some of the Wildlings south of the wall before the worst storm hit. Then maybe I could find some peace within myself, before another regrettable thing happened. More than that however there was nothing for me to go back to, how could anyone expect me to return to a place where my only birth right would be the ashes of my family? Death would find me before I became a puppet for the King to use or burn as he saw fit- Better the ice then the fire, or so it seemed sometimes. 

My chest hurt at the thought, because I didn’t want to die. Despite everything I still wanted to live if just a bit longer, I wanted to spend lazy days in my hut wrapped around my man with a massive wolf bothering me for scraps when she felt neglected. Grinding herbs, and fletching arrows in this life felt more real to me now then my dead brothers, more real than a sister that had up and gone nowhere to be found. 

“I have nothing to go back to- so don’t assume that you have any right to talk down to me Mormont.” Left my mouth before I could stop it, and I felt the dark weight of my own memories threaten from within; a bitterness that I didn’t want but couldn’t rid myself of, a sorrow so deep it felt as though I could fill the ocean with tears, and an unbanked anger stoked with words like a fire. Each of these things could so easily consume me, gods knew that they tried, but I held them at bay. 

“My father was burnt alive in front of me, and I could do nothing.” I said, trying and failing to keep my voice even. “My brothers-” I began to say but my voice failed me for the lump in my throat, and I tried again to get it under control, but I couldn’t. There was a purpose for me being here, but right now remembering this was so difficult. “I’m sorry I need a moment.” Came out and I turned, moving towards the door but stopping just short of leaving the room. It wasn’t like I didn’t know I was in enemy territory, but for a brief moment I’d forgotten. 

One of my hands rested against the aged wood for a moment, so I used it to anchor myself to the here and now, physical sensations were often the only thing I could use to keep something things at bay. Taking a deep breath I reminded myself that I wasn’t in Kings Landing anymore, and if my man had been here he would have seen me like this and known what to do. It was stupid that after all of this time I still had the urge to run, the fire was long dead, as was my father- I accepted that, logically I knew it. But knowing and feeling were two very different things.

“You were there then.” Said the hooded man, bringing me back fully from the memories that threatened to overwhelm me, and I gathered that this was not common knowledge. The mans voice almost seemed saddened by this, and I sighed before turning back to the rest of the room. 

“One does not disobey ones King.” I said feeling the old betrayal fill me again, sharp bitterness choking me for a moment “And no one knew what he was going to do. How could they? The Queen hid his madness well.” 

“There were some rumors,” Jeor explained, “That you fled before the trial by combat.”

“There were even more rumors that you ran away with your sister.” Sir Alliser commented voice sneering at the word rumors, as if he believed them to be exactly what they were, a vicious poison dropped from the lips of those who chose to speculate.

“No.” My throat felt dry at this, and I tried to come up with the best way to phrase what I needed to say next. “I… Have no idea where she went, one day she was there with me in the Keep and then next she was gone. She went for a walk in the gardens, and then nothing.” It was entirely true, but it was a needful lie- likely they already knew what happened. But I couldn’t say one way or another, my word was my word- so I told the truth I could tell.

“How did you escape King's Landing?” Came from the hooded man, and I finally moved away from the door towards a chair that was set at the desk on the opposite side from Jeor. They wanted the story, and they would get it, or a brief summary of it- but I couldn't do that and keep my legs steady, as the flight and fear it brought with it still lived in me.

“Someone helped me escape,” I began lacing my fingers together, “There was a passage that led from the Keep to the sewers. The King either didn’t know of it, or didn't care because it wasn’t guarded and I managed to slip away. I had some money on me, not much and little else- a dagger which was given to me, and the clothing on my back.”

“Where did you go from there?” came from the commander as Alliser grabbed a pitcher and poured a few cups of something. One was placed in front of Jeor, and the next ended up in front of me, grabbing it tentatively my nose detected the sour notes of wine. 

“Maidenpool first- through Duskendale, that was a long walk. I was hoping to find a ship that might take me to White Harbour.”

“You made the journey from Kingslanding to Maidenpool on foot?”

“In a court dress, while trying to avoid the patrols set on the road looking for trouble.” My voice echoing back at me as I spoke, remembering the sore feet and useless velvet shoes- never again would I let court fashions put me in such a position. It was a vow I made to myself then, back when I was walking and I’d held to it since, not that there’d been much call for courtly clothing. “There were a few carts at least, and I will always be grateful to the farmers for their help- even if they thought they were carting around a madwoman rather then a lady.”

“But you made it to the town, surely someone would have recognized you?” 

“You would think, but two weeks worth of sleeping on the ground and hard living will make anyone look less then courtly.” I answered, thinking back on my stupid luck. “When I finally got to Maidenpool however, my luck gave out. There were no ships willing to even try the journey, or at least none I could find for a reasonable price.”

“The King must have gotten word from Jon Arryn at that point. Nothing would be going north except soldiers.” Jeor confirmed as if an afterthought.

“It wasn’t hard to disappear in that clamor, in fact I went north with them in a way- they needed healers, and I needed work.” The memory of trading worn velvet for rough homespun overwhelmed me for a moment, and I could almost smell the putrid scent left in the pub as I cleared tables and dodged drunk patrons. It was a shock, to for once be providing my own labor for coin, and starving if I didnt- I knew how to work, and I was in Winterfell required to help out with in the stables or the kitchen when needed. Sometimes in the harder years I would help in the fields, or with the chickens and sheep- but even then it was naught compared to the work that women in Maidenpool had to do every day. 

“The Maester taught me some things about healing, and honestly that was more than the other girls there had. I just used it as a way to get to the ford without drawing anyones attention, any girl with a rag tying up her hair is much the same any other girl there. No one looks at you twice unless you want them to, generally.” I added for good measure, it seemed now that I’d been so close then, so close to getting home- all I had to do was follow the Kingsroad north and I couldn't possibly miss it. 

“So you forded the river and you were out of the Loyalists reach, why didn’t you go home?” This came from first ranger, voice still skeptical, still uncertain and I couldn’t blame him.

“Of course I tried, it was all I could think about.” That all encompassing need was a hard thing to forget, I would walk the Seven Kingdoms over to be with my family again. “But fate was not kind to me then, and I didnt escape the notice of everyone present.” Another omitted truth, another thing that was too difficult to explain. A betrayal from someone who should have been trusted- he wasn’t, not really. It would be foolish to trust a man like that, I knew this now. But to know that and still feel betrayed- because he was my friend once, my confidant, almost a husband. 

With a breath I continued, it was all I could do at this point. “I was apprehended before I could make it a day from the ford, and held captive- for my own safety I was told of course.” Anyone would be a fool to believe that even as naive as I had been then, but it was still the sentiment given by the offending party. “When he told me about my brother I couldn’t believe it.” 

There was a lump in my throat then, and I took the opportunity to take a drink of the wine given to me before, cold liquid soothing the feeling a bit before I set the cup down. My hand was shaking but I did my best to still it, setting it in my lap the other joining it. This was why I loathed the idea of coming here, even if it was necessary- these memories were to much even for me. Much as it bothered me I didn’t want them anymore, but they could not be given back.

“You said you were at the execution, how can you have been there and not known you brother was dead?” Questioned Sir Alliser, voice harsh and that made me blink in confusion. Of course I hadn’t been specific about which brother, but they needn’t try to trick me like this, it was cruel, even for crows.

“Brandon was dead before I left Kings Landing, it was Eddard I was speaking of.” Came out of my mouth in a tone that was as dead as my feelings on the matter, kind, patient Ned, always there when you needed him the most. He was good even before he grew old enough to be called a man, and he could have been great if given the chance. But he was never given that chance, and all I could remember was his smiling face as he left for the Eyrie “He fell at the Trident, and the Kings army was set towards Winterfell, they raised it to the ground.”

“Your captors told you this?” Jeor clarified, and I nodded affirming this; They told me much more than this, but again that too was best omitted as I could see there being problems if the Lord Commander of the Night's Watch knew who had been the one to hold me. It would not do to have him disagree with the new Warden of the North, I couldn’t have that blood on my hands.

“They took me to the Trident after the battle and said to me that I could look for my brother if I wish. For once in my life I didn’t know what to do. So I did what my heart was telling me to do; I kicked a nobleman in face, stole his horse and rode away.”

A look of understanding crossed Jeors face with this, and I wondered if he knew more about the battle then I did. Even then I was not one to give in, and I was not weak- southern lords often though women to be lesser than them because they seemed softer, but that wasn’t true. Women are more sentimental yes, but we are also more practical.

“Lady Lyra if I might ask, how long have you been North of the wall?” 

“A good fifteen years- initially I thought to go to Karhold or Last Hearth, the bannermen there would protect me. They would have kept faith with house Stark always; but I was pursued, and I could not put them in danger. There was the thought to go North until I lost pursuit and turn back, but I couldn't lose them on the South side of the wall no matter the effort I made.”

“So you went north,” Jeor confirmed with some appreciation, “But you didn’t go south again.”

“Because I couldn’t- I went through Long Barrow, and I planned to double back and go south through Rimegate or Sablehall. But the best laid plans are often wasted when the unexpected happens.”

“Wildlings.” Sir Alliser guessed and I nodded to him at that, it hadn’t been just the wildlings- hunger and the death of a mount also tended to ruin one's plans, although to be honest that horse deserved better. 

“These Wildlings at least were a relatively helpful tribe,” I said settling in for what was likely to be an unhappy debate, “They were called the Velich and they were relatively peaceful, if a bit overzealous. I was in a pretty sick when they found me- there was no way I could ever have been prepared north of the wall, not at all. But they brought me to their healer, I survived and got stronger.”

“But still you stayed north of the wall.” The ranger said finally, question in his voice. It wasn’t hard to guess what that was, why hadn’t I done right by my family- why hadn’t I sought the revenge that was mine by right?

“Because I had no choice at that point,” I commented warily, “I stayed with the Velich for a time, and the healer kept me on as an apprentice, but then things changed. Their village was attacked by a rival clan, and they didn’t ask if I wanted to join them. Are you familiar at all with a tribe called the Thenn?”

The looks on their faces said that they were, if only distantly- Thenn’s generally didn't range very far south, preferring to stick close to their valley if they could. Even the Velich valley was out of their usual range, but this raid had a different purpose- the ones hunting me were a glaring exception. 

“Thenns take what they want, and rarely let them go.”


	3. Ghosts Of the Past

“Isn't it lovely, all alone  
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone  
Tear me to pieces, skin to bone  
Hello, welcome home”  
(Lovely, Billie Eilish)

There was a silence in the room, a weight of questions not asked- they couldn’t be blamed for that, most outsiders would assume the worst. But the Thenn’s at least held to the same law as the other tribes when it came to women; it was the woman's choice always, savage as they could be, that fact was still the same. Anyone who thought that they might get away with discarding this would soon find the women of their own tribe removing their heads from their necks- before said women removed their stones from its mooring if they were lucky. 

“You needn’t say anything more.” Jeor said understanding completely, I wanted to correct him, he didn’t need to assume that all Folk acted like animals, but for my purposes it would suite. It reeked of dishonesty, and I didn’t like it; but I didn’t have to like it, it just had to work. One thing was true of Freefolk, and that was that they were willing to do anything to survive, after living so long beyond the wall I was no exception.

“There is one thing however, I feel we should say to you.” The commander looked from me to the man against the wall, “Though I think that I’m not the one that needs to say it.”

The man against the wall moved then, and I turned my focus to him as the hood was pulled low, a face revealed and for a moment the light must have played tricks with my eyes, as I briefly thought him to be my father but no, he was too dark haired. His eyes however reminded me of my mothers, and I fought the feeling that I knew him; he was familiar to me even if I could not place him. It was like a ghost from my past stood in the room with me, but it was from a past so long gone that the memories were almost dust. 

“I know you,” I said searching for where, when, or who, “Your face…” I didn’t know what to say for once in my life, not because I lacked the ability but rather because I lacked the words to express my thoughts.

“More than realize.” He said strange look on his face, “Though I may be much changed by the years I’m still the same as I always was Rie.” The name caused me to pause, as if I was pulled by some invisible tether remember things I’d long forgot; only one person ever called me by that name, and he was suppose to be dead.

“Benjen?” he was there, if I looked just right. Although he did look a lot like father, I wasn’t going to tell him that quiet yet. There was a scars on his face, and he was already showing some age. He nodded at my words and there was something in my heart, something in my mind that wasn’t quite so hard anymore. My next movements surprised even me, as I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him towards me into a bear hug. “You're alive, you’re alive. Oh Beni.” He was slow to reciprocate, I could feel him hesitate muscles tense, but I didn't care. They could pull a sword on me now and I wouldn’t care.

His face was a distant friend at first, but now that I knew who he was I could see no one else. Under duress I might honestly say that that Benjen was my second closest sibling, second only to Lyanna, and that was because she was my twin. Benjen was more often in our company then not, so much so that when we were told that we were going to court and Benjen was not there had been no small amount of grief over it. He was suppose to be dead, somewhere in the remains of Winterfell. 

We separated but all we could do was look at each other, and I found there to be tears streaking down my face- a rare thing indeed, for I’d long since banished tears from my life, not for want of sorrow but for the strength that I needed to have in myself to move on. Among the Folk my tears might be seen as weakness by some, and I could not afford to be weak, or I would fall in the snow and stay there. 

“How?” Was all I could really say, never would I have stayed North of the wall if I’d known Benjen was still alive- never would I have gone to the wall even. Last Hearth or Karhold would have come first, before all else. But I’d been so certain, so very assured that I was the last. 

“You were told false Lyra,” he began and I frowned at this, “I know not why, though one could guess. But I am very much alive, and for that matter so is Ned.” The last sentence hit me like a blow, and I felt my knees go weak.

______________________________________________________________

The wind in the courtyard was a brisker now then it had been when I arrived, nightfall brought with it a stark change in temperature- and a shift in the wind that made it resemble more the North side of the wall. In any case I welcomed the change, needed it really as I was still reeling from Benjen’s news. Benjen and Ned still alive, alive all this time and I knew nothing. It was foolish of me, looking back on it now to believe the person who claimed otherwise. Yet I had, because he’d never lied to me before- he had been a person I trusted. 

A brief rest after learning these things I felt had been required; something to break me from the feelings that seemed to overwhelm me. It was as good a time as any to take a moment to collect myself, and to come to terms with what I had to tell Benjen- now the First Ranger of the Watch. It seemed so strange to me, if anything Benjen was the last man I ever though would join the watch. He’d seemed so good, so young and soft; but time took its toll on all of us, and it was clear to me that the toll it took on him had been steep indeed.

Ash let out a sigh that said she just could not be bothered, and I set a hand on her head- she was not fond of staying in one place while I did my business here. But there was nothing for it, I didn’t relish the idea of her being killed because she didn’t like sitting in one place. The mammoth in the room I’d been avoiding reminded me, very forcefully that I couldn’t put it off for much longer. A blow came from the small box I had strapped up under my furs, causing it to make a small sound as I struck my back. 

None of the Crows surrounding me seemed to hear it, for which I was grateful- but it did pull me back to my purpose, rather forcefully. It hadn’t been easy to obtain, and very few people North of the wall agreed with my need for it, or with my reasoning for being here in the first place. But if I could make this work, it would be worth it, it had to be- if I could save even one life with it, then its purpose was fulfilled. Pulling my fingers from the dire wolf's fur I turned to go back towards the keep, not missing the way that the men of the Watch for lack of a better term watched me pace back to the door I’d emerged from. 

Sir Alliser had been the one to chaperone me out here, for which I was thankful- I wasn’t sure how to act around the other men now. Alliser at least was comfortable playing his part as a member of the Watch, albeit one that was not was not giving me the death glare at the others were. Reaching the door he followed, closing it behind us as I moved back through the doorway, this was all the respite I could take for now. 

Knocking briefly on the door to the commander's office, I took a moment to appreciate the look on Sir Allisers face- he hadn’t needed to show me the way. Maybe that was something I should have kept to myself, and then maybe I didn’t care. It opened a moment later admitting us as Benjen and Mormont waited, I wasn’t sure what they thought of my need for space and a moment to myself. But even they could see that I needed a brief moment to accept and overcome my own emotions. 

“Better?” Benjen said moving back towards the desk and leaning on the side of it as Jeor maintained his seat behind it; I took the chair that was waiting there, and tried to find a way to start the conversation that needed to take place. Twas a pity my man wasn’t here, he’d likely have been peppered with arrows before even getting through the tunnel, but he knew how to talk, how to tell a story so that people would listen. Setting this thought aside for later, I settled for an acceptable response.

“As well as I am going to be, for the time being at least.” The men shared a look which I was having trouble deciphering, before Jeor leaned forward in his chair and began to speak. “We were speaking about arrangements my lady, we’ll have horses enough to send you to Winterfell by weeks end. And attachment of men is set to return about then.”

“Winterfell…” The very thought of it hadn’t really entered my mind in a very long time, to painful to consider- I was once told to count my blessings, not my curses but that was easier said than done. Was a home a blessing or a curse? Often it seemed my family home was both, for in this it caused me only pain- and yet I guess it twas my own thoughts causing this turmoil. 

“The wall is no place for a Lady,” the commander amended, and I couldn’t blame him for that, I agreed with it actually, “Even one so resilient as you Lady Lrya.”

“I can’t go South Commander.” Replied raising a hand, only to be met with a disbelieving silence, clearly they misunderstood my being here, I couldn’t blame them for that. But I could not just yet leave behind the Northern landscape. “I have other matters I must attend.”

“You can't be meaning to go back beyond the wall sister?” Benjen said sharing a look with Jeor, there was a tense silence in the room now, and I felt it as good a time as any to get to the meat of why I was here. Putting a hand to my furs I moved to pull out the hidden parcel, slowly so as not to alarm the men. “I mean to brother, there is still much to be done. My first words when I came in, if I recall were that I was not here to speak of my past.”

“Then why have you come?” Jeor asked finally eyes questioning, he would think no doubt of the worst case scenario; I hadn’t yet proved that I wasn’t Wildling at heart. There was no point to me trying really, because I knew that bending the knee for me would never come from loyalty as it always had in the past. 

“My purpose here is to warn you,” this did nothing to dismiss the tense air in the room, but there was nothing I could do about that, “There is a storm building that cannot be stopped- Winter is Coming and I thought it was only fair to give word, though I might be the only one among the Folk who think so.” This last bit I cursed myself for saying, it was better not to mention that I thought of myself as one of those that the Watch thought of as the enemy. 

“As the Starks always say.” Jeor said looking to Benjen, perhaps for some clarification. He would find none there, and he turned back to me after seeing this himself. “But what I wonder do you mean by this?”

“Your men have been disappearing have they not?” I questioned, and was given a nod in response, “So have ours- men, women, and children. An entire village, huts empty, pens empty as if suddenly the whole lot of them just decided to leave behind their worldly possessions and walk into the cold white, never to be seen again.”

“A village?” Benjen questioned head tilted to the side, and I nodded in confirmation before continuing. “White Tree- a village I know you are aware of.” Both men nodded at this, and I let out a sigh. It was the worst kept secret of the North, far too close to the wall for most Free Folk it existed in a hollow that dispersed the worst winds thus making it a favorable place to build. 

“Nigh on three months ago a group of hunters left a village to find game further afield ,” I began setting the box down on the edge of the Commanders desk, “Only to discover the village empty upon their return, no sign of where man or beast might have gone. They sent word to other villages, but not a single person knew the fate of those living there.”

“Was there no sign of struggle?” Benjen questioned.

“Oh that there was,” I answered readily enough, “I was one of the few who went to investigate the disappearance; you have to understand, the Folk are very superstitious and for good reason, so not many would venture there again without good reason. There was a great deal of blood, broken weaponry, some damage to the buildings. A fire caught on one hut, and it burnt to the ground, but more than that nothing.”

“Was there a trail?”

“One that I followed to conclusion- it lead through the Skirling pass to the frozen wastes of the Land of Always Winter, further into that place then I would ever care to venture on my own, and I am considered to be one of the more daring people in the North. “ 

“I imagine there isn't a very good reason for an entire village to be going that way, or this would get us nowhere.” Jeor said sharing a look with Benjen.

“As I said, the Free Folk are very superstitious and even those who might dare live close to the Wall, would never set foot near the Wastes unless they had no choice. This trek is easily two weeks on foot Lord Commander, they had no provisions- their larders were still stocked and waiting. And to top this all off, these people did it without making camp even once.”

“Surely you exaggerate.”

“I wish I did Commander, t’would give me better sleep at night I think.” Shaking my head I continued. “When I did this, I was not alone my ma- my traveling companion is a far better tracker than I am, he followed the same trail as I and was just as baffled. No living being can do that, not if they want to keep living.” The others seemed to catch the slip, btu did not seem to understand what it might be.

“So, what your saying these people were dead?” Benjen asked finally.

“That is bullshit.” Came from behind me, and I jumped as I realized that Alliser was still in the room, for some reason I’d forgotten about him. Turning I looked back at him and said “It is, to be sure- but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. Three weeks we spent looking for these people, and we are swifter than most, three weeks and we came back empty handed. We found not one child, elder, or goat out of the lot.”

“And you don't think these Wildling's were having you on?” He questioned, his tone still disbelieving.

“Me? Unlikely, not many among the Folk would dare. Even less likely is it of them to do the same to my companion, he is many things- but forgiving of bullshit like this is not one of them.” I felt a stone in my throat at this, cursing as I tried to push it away, thinking about him now would not help.

“So what you're saying is, dead men got up and walked away into the wastes never to be seen again?” The commander said finally taking control of this conversation back.

“What I am saying is that the dead are walking, and we have seen them again- to our great misfortune.” 

“Well I for one don’t believe any of this shit.” Sir Alliser said, leaning against the door behind him. This was what the box was for, so grabbing it with both hands I felt a small smile grace my face- not a happy smile, or even a kind one. This sort of smile was reserved for occasions where I had the upper hand, one that might be called my tell if anyone were the betting sort.

“Think what you wish, but there is more to my story.” 

“Continue then my lady.” The commander said with a nod though the look in his eye said that perhaps he agreed with Sir Alliser, and I took a deep breath, this was perhaps the hardest part of this explanation. 

“It was not long after the discovery of White tree that the rumors started, rumors of dead walking as I said. Then came the rumors of the White walkers, beings with the form of men but dead white with the bluest eyes.” A moment's pause came over me as I remembered them, I’d seen them myself but trying to convey the feeling of them was impossible with words. “So I took it upon myself to dispel them- the rumors, I thought too that these were as you said bullshit. I was wrong.”

“You’ve seen them?” Benjen said still skeptical, eyes narrowed at me.

“I have, and more besides-” with this I loosed the catch on them box I was holding, “I don’t expect you to believe me, such things are beyond the normal realm of those on this side of the wall. As such I brought this.” I set the box down again before flipping the lid open to reveal its contents.

“Is that a fucking hand?” Alliser said with no small amount of disgust, and it was exactly that. It was the severed right hand of an man, blunt fingers and cracked nails pale as death, knuckles skinned to the bone. It had been neatly cut from the dead man I’d tracked to the wastes before heading south, and I frowned as I realized that it was not moving. Of course it wasn’t moving, because that would be to easy. 

“One moment.” I said rummaging in my sleeve for a stick I kept there, it was used generally to prod things that I didn’t want to touch with my own hands. With that I gave a sigh and then prodded it liberally, I hated dealing with the dead. At first nothing happened, but a small twitch gave it away- poking it again, like prodding a bug made it spring to life, fingers curling into a fist. Looking to the three men in the room, I saw exactly what I was hoping to see. Sir Alliser moved closer before moving to touch the hand as if believing it a trick that he could disprove by touching it.

“Careful.” I said catching his hand and looking him in the eye, before letting go “Removed it may be from the source, but it is still dangerous.”

“How dangerous could it possibly be?” He said reaching for it again, grasping the wrist and bringing to up to eye level, he was trying to detect the fakery to it, but he would find naught. Nothing happened for a moment, but then it began to grasp wildly at the air flailing back and forth so violently that it was jerk his own hand about. Without a second thought I grabbed the appendage away from him with a much firmer grip, before moving towards a lit fireplace in the office.

“Insofar as I have been able to tell,” I began giving the hand a particularly sour look, “There is only one way to deal with a dead walker.” With that I tossed the hand in the flame, turning back to look at the men in question. The smell of burnt flesh hit my nose, and I moved my hand to cover my nose as the hand burned twitching and trying vain as it did to escape the flames. “I’m sorry, I forgot the smell.”

“You said,” Benjen commented as he came closer to ensure that the hand was truly burning, “That there was an entire village of walking dead?”

“Oh I would say more.”

“More?” He questioned, looking at me with apprehension. “How many more?”

“Well, counting what I saw in the heart of the Land of always winter? Thousands, likely more- there was a flurry and I couldn’t see that far. Freefolk traditionally burn their dead if they can. Which is sounding like a much better idea then it did in the past.” I’d seen more than just the dead and the walkers, but for now these two things would have to be enough. “And the only interest they take in the living is to make them one of the dead.”

“And you mean to go back out there?” Benjen questioned hand grasping my arm, “Why- Why would you go out beyond the wall knowing this?”

“Because I came here not for my own sake Benjen,” I said simply this would not make me popular, but it had to be said, I could not live with myself otherwise, “I came here to ask that the Wildlings be allowed south of the wall.”

“Absolutely not.” Came from Sir Alliser, “That would be spitting on the men of the Watch, they can pay for our dead with their own.” Benjen was very carefully not looking at me, while the commander was looking very hard at me and the former knight in turn. 

“If that’s how you feel,” I said finally giving the man a look “Then I suppose there is nothing that can be done about it. But I am not about to let anyone else die simply because you all disagree.”

“And what I wonder does Mance Rayder say about this?” The Commander questioned. It was to be fair, a good question, and I could honestly tell him the truth of that. Clearly he was thinking I was some agent of the King Beyond the wall, he was mistaken- I respected the man, but I did not get along with him.

“He thinks I shouldn’t waste my time trying to convince people to change their ways.” Came my bland answer, with this I gave the room as a whole an unimpressed look, “Which if you think about it is rich for a man who decided to unite the Free Folk.”

“You’ve spoken to him.” This was less of a question and more of a statement.

“I’ve spoken to him yes, although if I were more honest I would say he’s spoken to me. Man rarely shuts up sometimes. Can’t stand him- respect him sure, but don’t expect me to be friends with him.” It was the truth, as simple and sure as it could possibly have been, I added as an afterthought “And before you asked I have no idea where he is, he moves about so it’s unlikely you would find him in the same place twice.”

“And you want to go back out beyond the wall.” Benjen said again, looking at me- I could see it again, a distrust. This could not be held against him, he didn’t seem to hate Mance as the Alliser did, but he didn’t trust my intentions.

“I must, you do realize that Wildlings living north of the wall won't stay that way for long right? If the dead find them- and they will eventually, there isn’t enough fire to kill them all, not in the entire north. They will join the ranks, and soon we will have a bigger problem.” This comment met with only silence, and as I looked around the room I began to realize that there was little hope in me changing their minds. For now at least.

 

________________________________________________

 

Truth be told there had been some anticipation on my part about being held against my will, I was after all a Lady who came to the Wall, and if nothing else the men of the higher ranks were former Knights, nobles and those that served with the watch at length. Never would they allow a gently bred woman within fifty feet of the North, even if that was where she’d been for the last fifteen or so years.

But at least I was allowed at the top of the wall, even after the heated debate that raged in the office- let the wildlings south, don't let them south, in the end it was decided that this was a matter that the Watch could not resolve on its own. This would have to go to the Warden of the North, Eddard Stark. A part of my mind was still struggling with the concept that my brothers were still alive, brothers- plural. Realistically, I should have accepted that news of my brother demise as overstated- but given the messenger I really could be forgiven for believing it. 

The wind at the top of the wall was bracing, both in temperature and strength as night had already fallen. A member of the Watch was perched there at the edge, a second man huddled by a brazier to relieve him in two hours, and a third stood at my back- not as a watch for the wall, but as a personal guard to keep me from doing anything stupid.

They would not allow me to go North, the would not allow me passed the wall again, and suddenly I felt bereft- I had anticipated being held by the Watch. But if they had their way I would never see the northern snows, never run through the thick frozen wood, never hear the howl of the direwolves on the wind that was just as wild. They could not hold me in this place, but my promise to do what I could, despite the reservations of the freefolk- that was more ironclad. For all that I lived and breathed as a free woman, my blood and name meant I could gain more weight and traction on this side of the wall. 

Pulling my furs closer I caught the sound of footsteps, pushing back the ancient call that drew me ever North to the wilderness, and whatever it held. Turning my head I caught sight of a now familiar head of long dark hair, “Benjen.” Came out as a greeting, and I turn towards him as he approached.

“Lyra.” He said in return, and for a moment there was nothing but a tense silence- how could there be anything else, and yet it still bled away as I let a small smile come across my face. He was still my brother, grown and set in his ways; but he was my Benjen and he was doing what he thought was right. The worst things imaginable in my experience could come with good intentions, and I would ever have to be wary of that. For now, perhaps forgiveness was the best course of action.

“You’ve worked out the details I imagine.” Came out of my mouth over the sound of the wind, a part of me hoping it didnt sound as tired as I suddenly felt, and Benjen gave a nod at this. “As the Commander said before, a group of men will return by end of week if all goes to schedule, and that is when we’ll set out for Winterfell.” He moved to lean on the low overhang I’d been looking over. 

“We? You’ll be coming with me then.” 

“Aye, for a bit at least. I’m a man of the Watch so I’ll have to return before too long,” he pause for a moment looking back at me, “But it seems only right to see you home sister, in the meantime it falls to me to write our brother and let him know your coming home.” 

“Oh that sounds like fun, “ I said genuine smile crossing my face, I was feeling an old and familiar thing now- the mischief that Lyanna and I were known for never really having gone away, “I imagine it would be quiet something to simply show up announced.”

“Like as not he’d think you were a ghost.” Benjen agreed with a smile, “And funny as that may be, I don’t imagine Ned taking very kindly to it.”

“Brother always was too serious.” It was a jest, Eddard had been too much older brother in him for that not to be I guess, as Brandon had been too busy learning to be the next Warden to do much sibling watching. Losing myself in thought was all to easy at this point, and I found myself still marveling over the fact that I wasn’t the Last Stark. My heart was grateful, but my mind wary- for now there was so much more at stake, and I had no way to protect it.


	4. Wolves Den

“Just one step at a time,  
And closer to destiny,  
I knew at a glance,  
There would always be a chance for me.  
With someone I could live for,  
Nowhere I would rather be…”  
Is Your Love Strong Enough, 

 

The smooth gait of my mount seemed odd to me, after so many years without any sort of riding- that wasn’t counting the time I stole a horse to get away from the Crows in the past. Neither of us were happy about that haphazard ride- I and the horse I’d unintentionally stolen at the time. I’d been happy to see the back of him after getting far enough away to let him go honestly, he’d been a nervous creature.

The gentle mare I was on now however was definitely a mount specifically chosen for a lady, and not necessarily something that they kept at the Wall, or so I had to think. She was a lovely brown palfrey that I snuck apple bits when no one else was looking; the downside of her gentle nature was that she shied pretty badly when first introduced to Ash, as was her right. Wolves and horses generally didn’t get along, so bringing her around to the large canine was not easy. But as we traveled the horses began to adjust, and as Ash was well trained, if not well behaved, so she caused little trouble otherwise. Instead she spent most of our trek south off in the woods doing what wolves did, in truth she was probably having the time of her life chasing game that was well fed. 

A flash of color on our second day caught my eye, and found my eyes locked on it as I tried to understanding it. In a matter of seconds my mind told me that it was simply a leaf, fluttering on the wind, small and dappled with yellow spots. My hand went up to touch it, and for a brief moment I thought to pluck it from the tree it clung to so ardently. But I settled instead for memorizing the dips and swells in its imperfect form, letting it go as the palfrey moved on. 

A warmth gathered behind my eyes, while the edges felt wet suddenly and I moved to wipe it away. There was a feeling in my chest, not quite like grief but rather something warm and sweet, but sad. A wistful thing that stayed with me as pine gave way to birch, and other leafy trees that could not survive any further North. It was like feeling spring for the first time- may-hap in fact it was for me at least, because it was reminiscent of traveling to the true south for the first time with my family. 

Greens colored the world in more hues then I remembered, and I tried to memorize ever one. White was the predominant color in the north, seconded only by grey, sometimes blue and occasionally a green that was so dark many thought it black. Red occasionally dotted that landscape in the form of the Weirwood trees that were more abundant there than anywhere else, and of course blood. You never had to go far to find a place to pray in the North, which was good because you often felt as if you needed it.

____________________________________________________

 

The smell of Winterfell reached me before the sight of it did, and I found myself wrinkling my nose as I sorted through the scents that the warmer weather of the land south of the wall had. North of the wall scents were recent and sharp, or they faded away all together in minutes because of the cold, unless you had the use of someone or something with a nose sharper than a normal humans. Here however I could smell the flowers blooming, the green smell of trees and water, and the occasional scent of men working in fields. Horse scat mixed with the smell of someone's cooking, and I found myself sneezing often as we traveled. 

Ash’s nose must have been going mad in comparison, but I tried not to think of it as the scent of wood fires and something else came to me. A man- one of the brother of the Watch named Yoren was talking to Benjen ahead of me, he had proved to be a wonderful conversationalist as we traveled. He had also unlike many of his Watch Brothers been willing to overlook my sheltering among the Folk, in favor of being genuinely glad that I was for the better part willing to exchange pleasantries. 

As a member of the Stark family I was raised as a Lady, but as a woman of the Folk I became use to, and even began to expect the tall tales that sometimes fell from the lips of women and men there. So it came as no small comfort to me that Yoren could easily have been one of the born storytellers among them. His amusing chatter about getting jumped in the back alleys of Kings Landing stuttering for a moment, my eyes followed his head even as he picked up the thread of conversation again, my eyes caught the young boy racing back up the road as he went and I had to wonder.

There was no doubt in my mind that this was a runner sent out to watch for us on the road, and our easy conversation resumed, but the dread remained. It wasn’t a dread of a known quality for me, as I had in my time seen so many fights, battles and odd social situations- No this dread was something else. There wasn’t a certainty in my heart that said I wanted to learn any new emotions at this point in my life, but I also knew my options were limited in this affair. 

The walls of Winterfell came into sight and I felt again like I was seeing the great northern snows again, stepping out into a certain doom even as I went to safety a relative safety. Every land had its wolves, would I eat, or would I be eaten? It was hard to say. A thousand possibilities played in my head, from the realistic to the impossible, but in the end I had to accept that either this was happening and I would see my brother again, or I’d fallen for a long winded ruse. Though what purpose hid behind such a ruse was beyond my defining. In either case, here I was, and I would make due with that.

The thick stone and the Direwolf relief made me feel a sudden chill seeing it again, and as we moved underneath it through the thick walls I remembered suddenly being much younger. A phantom of Brandon in my head standing at the gate as I rode by, laughing at me about something- it had been to long for me to remember now what it had been. Blinking hard brought me back, and instead of the courtyard of my childhood there seemed to be something else to it. 

The walls were the same, the landings and ramparts, the odd towers in the background- it was hard to put a finger on exactly what it was that seemed so different, but it was like for a moment I was in two places at once. Letting this thought go for a moment I settled for looking to the people who were now lining the courtyard- they had been all a bustle as we entered the gate, but in the way that people did when they had been waiting to see something stopped, and they too stood, some with smiles, some with wary faces, and some with curios looks. 

But in the center there was a face that drew my gaze, even after so many years, and so many changes, a few lines added here and there for character- but I knew him. It was an odd moment for me, because my mind was trying to match what I knew with what I was seeing now. But he was too much Stark to be anyone other than Eddard, and in truth I near flung myself from the saddle before my horse could stop.

Waiting had always been my strong suit, stone to Lyanna’s water; but today it seemed that I was more rushing spring then boulder. That of course lasted all of a second, until my feet hit the dirt of the courtyard and I found suddenly that my will had all but left. At the back of my mind I could feel the walls ready to close in on me and cut off what emotion I had left, just in case. 

Benjen dismounted about the same time I had stepping forward, and embracing our brother as a stable hand came to lead his horse away, and another came to take mine. Suddenly I was feeling very exposed, vulnerable, as if I was standing on the bank of the Red Fork again, watching the men of the North fight and fall. And there was Eddard, words whispered in his ear by our brother, and though I was sure that these were my brothers my heart leapt with fear. A stranger in a strange land. 

So I distracted myself by looking at those around us, a woman somewhat familiar stood next to my brother, Tully red hair playing contrast to the dark garb of a Northern woman. Though we had never met, I would bet blood that this was none other than Catelyn Tully, now by the look of it Stark after all. Rarely had I paid thought to her in my mind beyond the Wall, I’d always assumed she would marry another after the death of my brother, and I suppose it was only fitting that it be the next Stark in line. Honorable even as my brother was, it made sense. Any Stark would uphold the old traditions, if the occasion did suit.

Children among the Folk were rare, not for lack of trying of course, but because those born into the cold Northern wastes often didn’t survive long enough to even be named, let alone grow into their childhood. So often I’d treated illnesses that small bodies couldn’t fight off, and prayed for the souls of those I knew would not make it, to see the children standing by these two- not just a child, but children was almost too much. For it was perfectly clear that these small ones were Stark through and through. 

A boy stood next to Catelyn, almost a man now with his scraggly attempt at a beard, dark hair and dark eyes matching my brothers. Their son then, he had the look of a boy who would be much broader than he was now come manhood, and I felt like smiling. Next to him was a girl with the Tully hair, but the Stark bearing, she would be tall and any man fortunate enough to catch her gaze would be lucky indeed. Another girl stood next to the red haired one, compact, dark haired and dark eyed she would look like her father when she grew into it. 

A boy stood next to her, clutching an even smaller boys hand, the older was brown haired like his sister, but the youngest was sun-kissed in coloring. The blond strands would likely fade in time, as they did with northern boys. Five children these two had, five; it was enough to send my mind spinning, but this stopped the moment I saw a brief movement behind them. There hidden in the shadows stood another, a boy as old as the first maybe, his bearing was Stark, but his face made me think perhaps it belonged to another noble line.

But no, his hair was dark, like Lyanna’s had been, like mine still was, and curly. Looking him in the eye, I saw too the eyes of a Stark, and I smiled truly then because the emotion I saw there was familiar- I knew it now as he did, something of hope, but also of fear. This pup would not fear from me, not without any good reason; that I swore. With a sigh I turned my gaze back to Ned, as my inspection of the family took but a few moments, and I squared myself to meet him.

His eyes stared into mine it seemed for the longest moment, then we each took a step forward, and I felt myself being pulled into an embrace. Another piece of ice in my soul melted then, and I could feel myself shaking, or maybe it was Ned shaking I couldn’t truly tell and I knew my fears were for naught. So many years of sorrow, acceptance of my fate, and for what? For the greed of a man who thought I might belong to him, for someone who should have been trusted, and who instead decided to make a net to catch a wolf. Part of me wondered if that man was dead, as part of me knew that he’d been a fool to try. Net a wolf and you still had to deal with its teeth, a dog might heel to a master, even a bad one; loyal and true it would defend even the worst. But I was no dog, and he had been lucky I’d slipped free of his net before it closed around me, or like as not he would have found my teeth sharp indeed, much as another had, men were made of flesh, and no woman should ever forget that. 

We broke our embrace tentatively, arms still clasped as we had when we were children sharing a secret, “Lyra…” Was all he said at first, and all I could see in his eyes was a great grief. In that moment I realized something that I’d somehow managed to overlook, or perhaps it was something I’d been ignoring in favor of worrying about more present matters; Lyanna. If Ned was alive, then that meant that Rhaegar had been defeated, or more unlikely that he had been quelled, and had pardoned both my brother and my father for their ‘treason’ which I found to be even less likely.

Why hadn’t I asked after this while I was at Castle Black? Perhaps I feared the truth of it, as I’d been so lucky to find both of my brothers yet in the land of the living. Them living meant that someone else had to die, and that was either Rhaegar or Robert, as I knew in my heart that neither would let the other have her. If Rhaegar was dead, I knew that Lyanna would not have been long for this world after. A part of me always hoped that she’d been fine, even with the loss and sorrow of it all, I had hoped from my life beyond that Wall that she was happy and free to live the life she chose.

But Eddards gaze, it told me the truth, Lyanna was gone, one way or another and he was seeing the both of us now, and it was hurting him. “Is it still Ned, or do I have to call you Lord Stark now?” I said, half as a jest and half as a way to break him from the haunted look in his eye. Like the sun breaking from behind the clouds a smile returned to his face then, not as strong as before, but strong enough.

“Well, honestly I prefer you call me brother.” He said to begin with, smile becoming more of what it use to be with this. “But if you’d like to call me Lord Stark, I shan’t oppose to heavily, t'would be nice to have one sibling that respects me.”

“This precisely why your not favorite.” I said back at him in a matter of fact manner, finger pointing at him accusingly, he broke into a laugh- this banter, this tiny bit was entirely familiar as I use to tease him about not being favorite before. All joking aside, I was at a loss for what to say next and he could see this in my face or so I guessed as he turned to the rest of the family, hand extended towards them.

“Do you remember Catelyn?” He asked as he waved her forwards, and I nodded looking to the woman now, she was much taller then she had been, where as I was not. “Catelyn is now my lady wife, but you can call her Lady Stark.” He said this with a wide smile, and we both knew he was joking.

“Catelyn will do nicely,” She said correcting him with a look, “I can hardly ask my Goodsister to greet me so formally.” And then like that she pulled me into a hug, not like the hug I shared with my brothers, but rather like a greeting- formal but inviting, genuinely happy to see me.

“These are our children,” She began turning to them, “Rob, our eldest.” He bowed, curiously enough, “Sansa, and Arya are next.” The girls curtsied the elders movements were smooth, while the younger child bobbed down and then back up again as if she were impatient- which I could commiserate with, I’d never liked curtsying as a girl either. “And next to them are Bran and Rickon.”

“It a pleasure to meet you all,” I said my manners long since having frozen and blown away like snowflakes, I knew not how to speak to these children- children yes. But noble children? Old Gods have mercy, I had to try “I look forward to getting to know you- I had no idea our family was so fortunate as to have become so large.” This I half said to Catelyn and my brother, causing them to share a smile between themselves. Behind all this I noticed however the boy who went unnamed looking at me, his eyes were wanting of something, but what this was I could not see. 

My instincts told me that it would be unwise to ask now who he was, and I could be a patient in this, a wolf did not attack prey idly- hunting was a task of the patient, and though I knew he was not prey, getting the knowledge I wanted would take more time. The household as a whole was reintroduced to me, although I knew many of them still- but there were more now then there had been. New members replaced those who were too old to serve properly, and those members who were too old were moved to the wing where they in turn could be taken care of. This was the way of things, if you served the Stark family, you were family, blood or not. The old were taken care of by the young, if they did not chose to return to their families, or if they had no family of their own, and their service was rewarded with companionship, and respect in their declining years.

Old nan was one such person, although she chose instead to keep serving despite the fact that she had been old even when I was young, and so she watched the two youngest boys. But also there were new faces that were not of the North, not in features at least and the wolf in me was uncertain of those- not because I was uneasy of Southerners, but because I knew that things in the South were different, even more so than here. They looked at me perhaps with more suspicion then those who were wary of my years beyond The Wall, and I somewhat returned that favor. 

They’d come from the Riverlands with their lady after her marriage, members of the Tully household sent to ensure their lady was well taken care of, and happy. It would take time for us to come to terms with one another, and that wasn’t just because I was strange.

A hush fell on the people around us and I turned to look at the reason for it, Ash casually trotting in as she did, dead rabbit dangling from her jaws. The otherwise pleasant reunion caused men to put hand to blade, even as I moved to intercept. Freefolk could easily see that she was a companion, a creature that would not attack unless commanded. But these people were different, wary of the large predator in their midst.

Ash had been trained to bring small kills back to me, it was simply an unfortunate side effect that she also brought the half eaten variety home as well. Usually I compromised by stripping what I could from the carcass, keeping the bones and drying the meat as treats for her- But this was not seen as being quite so practical by the Riverrun members of the household as some of them startled like hens.

“Do not fear this one,” I said even as my brother meant to step between myself and the wolf, his sword alone would have done little to slow her if she were attacking- though he would have wounded her terribly had he struck, “She is gentle enough that I would trust her with children, and tame enough that she would not bite unless given very good reason.” As I spoke I moved to her to retrieve the dead rabbit, but she was of a more playful mind instead, letting me grasp one end before pulling. It had been a game we play when she was still small, and though she could easily pull it from my grasp she didn't now instead tugging with a play bow.

“Is that so?” he said somewhat seeing in her eyes perhaps the playfulness of her actions, she was above all else a gentle wolf, she liked making friends with humans, and other wolves alike. By her tail and her hesitation I could see that she wanted Ned to like her, likely because she could see that we were pack, as she could smell it in our scent and she wanted to fit into that as well. Direwolves were smart, smarter than their smaller brethren at any rate- and she could see it was important, choosing to let go of the rabbit so that she might greet him properly. 

Ned pulled his glove off, before holding his hand up for her to sniff and she delicately did just that, I could see Catelyn out of the corner of my eye, nervous expression on her face. Remembering Benjens introduction I supposed I should have been grateful that there were fewer members of the Nightwatch present, as their first instinct was to tense up and ready for some sort of attack. Which did not help the wolf in question feel any less threatened, but she’d behaved well, smelling my scent on him no doubt and deciding that any man I let close was good. 

It only took a moment for her to lick his hand much like a large dog might in greeting, and I could see a bit of his wariness fade. She’d learned many tricks when it came to dealing with people, she was a pack animal but she was still a wild creature and not truly a tame one. A bit of the wariness left his eyes, and he saw fit to give her a slow scratch- which she loved I might say, yes I did think they would suit nicely if given enough time. Ned had a respect for things that were different, wild or tame.

___________________________________________

Lady Catelyn, or I suppose just Catelyn walked with me up the stone steps as Ned led the way, “We thought on it for some time,” He was saying as he walked, coming to the top of the step, one that had not changed since I was a girl, down a hallway that led towards the Stark family quarters, but moving passed the door I knew to be mine in childhood, “Sansa you see has your old room now, and I thought, as- as you were no longer in need of a child's room you might enjoy something a bit larger.” This led him to stop in front of another room entirely, and for a moment I had reason to pause. 

This door I was very familiar with, and of course I was also familiar with what was beyond it- but still my brother grasped the handle and pushed it open. A large fireplace already crackling with a fire, a large open space with a bear skinned rug across the floor, a familiar wardrobe- this was Brandon’s room, or what had been Brandon’s room. Surely they would have put someone else here? Looking to Ned and Catelyn I realized suddenly that they wouldn’t, there were some hurts that were perhaps too deep to heal easily, and likely they hadn’t wished for any of their children to share the weight of my brothers fate.

Lyanna was different, this I could sense, Catelyn hadn’t known her, and Ned had come to peace with that loss. To be honest he likely had come to terms with mine, even if he hadn’t ever been able to find hint of me in the madness of the war. Thankfully, Ash had no compunctions about my hesitation, and quickly found herself flopping to the ground on the aforementioned rug. Honestly I could learn a bit from my untroubled companion, or at least this was what I felt so I nodded to Ned and Catelyn gratefully before walking in. The memories here were like dust waiting to be stirred up, of that I was sure- but for now it was good to be somewhere that I could make safe for a time at least. 

“Some thought,” Ned began to say and I turned to listen, “That a feast might be in order, to welcome you home. But I thought it t’would serve better for us if we held off on the celebrations for now.” He said this almost as if he wasn’t certain, but I gave him a nod grateful for it- no doubt said people would be expecting a lady, but I wasn’t much of one any longer. No as surely as I wore animal hides instead of silken dresses, I was no lady- not that they would recognize that at least. Beyond the wall expectations were vastly different, and I could likely walk around in nothing and still be given respect- would likely be given more respect for doing it by some. 

Manners, greetings, past times, I could scarcely remember all of that now after so long on my own. This of course did bring me to something else I hadn’t considered, I was not in any way clothed properly- my animal skins, carefully sewn and meticulously maintained were considered handsome by other Freefolk, but here I would just look like a wild woman, so I settled for the truth of it.

“I don't even think I own a dress anymore.” I said to my brother and Catelyn before looking down in a bit of despair, the doe skin clothing I wore underneath my outer skins was what the saw now- the weather was too warm here for the outer skins, and so they’d been packed in the saddlebags given to me. It took me too much effort, and to much care making these things to simply leave these behind at the Wall, no I would keep them for the winter; nothing we had here would suit quite as well. 

The doeskin was actually painstakingly decorated, as was the custom of the Freefolk. Outer skins were more likely to be damaged and so effort wasn’t often put into making them ornate, but the skins we wore close to our body were a different story. The decorations on mine of course looked a great deal like dancing wolves, as was only to be expected and I’d put much care into embossing the soft leather. There was another layer that went between the out most layer, and this one- it was a thick leather jerkin that was meant to protect against attacks. But this too sported the same pattern, with what was considered a luxury beyond the Wall- with real metal buckles to hold it closed. Among the Folk I was well dressed, and my work often called for praise- but I doubt anyone in the castle would appreciate as such.

“We can remedy that readily enough sister,” Ned said stepping close again, and I let myself be swept into another hug, this one slightly briefer before the two left me to my own devices. 

________________________________________________________

My only pressing time concern for the day was dinner, but between then and when they left me I was up to my own devices. Ash saw fit to fall asleep on the rug and summarily stay there, likely until dinner, she had been more easily exhausted than usual so I let her be. There was a suspicion in my mind about this, but I would not voice it for now. So this found me in a room with precious little to do- a state of existence that I could not abide. My hands demanded work, and my legs wanted movement, so move I did.

They never said I was required to stay in my rooms, and wild though I might look they never restricted my movements verbally- I still had the freedom to roam and so I did, feet taking me into the hallway, down towards the courtyard again. But the question was, where truly could I go? There was a burning desire to be as far away from prying eyes as I could be, and this in turn led my feet to take a path I knew well to a place meant for the Stark family alone. Feet walking quietly down hallways less used until they took me out of the Castle altogether off into the Wolfwood and to the Godswood within.

Walking under these trees it was almost like walking through the landscape of my dreams, surreal in how much it seemed to be the same, but just different enough to not feel quite right. These trees, eternal and yet so temporary, only in the wood could you find a moment that might stretch into eternity. Running my hands over the bark of a large oak I ventured deeper into the wood, feet following a well worn path, legs longer now then they had been. Coming to the Weirwood at last was like seeing blood on snow, a stark contrast to all that had been before it was a blazing red and white star in the heart of the Godwood. 

The only sounds to be heard were the creaking of the trees now, and if you listened hard perhaps the crow of the ravens in the distance, but nothing more. The black pool at the edge of the Weirwood reflected my image back as I passed it, and I spared it more then a glance- for the pool now more than ever did not seem normal, and I could tell that if I persued it, I might find more then my own reflection there. But I dismissed it for another time, I did not need such things at this time. Lifting a hand I brushed the bark of the Weirwood, looking into the holes that were its eyes- and for a moment I was not in the warm south anymore, not feeling the sun on my skin or the kiss of summer.

Snow covered the land around me as I stared at the Weirwood, but not the Weirwood in the godswood of Winterfell no- although it was another I was familiar with. This one was much larger, and for a brief moment I caught sight of red- the rusty color of those with flame kissed hair beyond the wall. For a brief moment the image of a man, all to familiar to me could be seen through the swirling snow- speaking to a black clad man, a crow even if I couldn’t put a name to him. These two were talking calmly, or so it seemed although the red headed man of the folk looked also like he was restraining himself from something. Violence would have been my bet, but this at least told me that the dialogue I’d wished to set up between the men was likely to happen. 

For this was yet to be, but likely if I could but make it so; something shifted and the two of them faded into the swirling snow as the wind kicked up obscuring them from view. A harsh breath left me as my lungs remembered to breath, and I found myself looking up into the sun dappled leaves of the Weirwood tree again- the warmth of summer sun on my skin once more. Leaf litter and dirt beneath my fingertips told me that at some point I must have lost my balance, although I was not lying on the ground. Blinking again I realized that this was because I was being held, and I looked to the person who’d been there to find me. 

Dark hair, dark eyes- the boy from before, the Stark with no name stared back at me before speaking, “My lady?” He had been I realized now saying this before, but sometimes the sight blocked out even the sound of the world around my true body, and this time had been harsh indeed, for I could feel the cold of the North with me, even though my mind had been the only to truly leave this place.

“Yes?” I was finally able to say after my lungs caught up, and I blinked hard trying to push away the after image of the world id seen. Some relief seemed to be in his eyes when I opened mine again, and his hand moved to brush a hand across my forehead- like a parent checking their child's temperature. He really did remind me of someone, I couldn’t help but think, who I could not put my finger on. 

“You’re ice cold my lady, here.” He said interrupting my thoughts as he moved to pull off a cloak, and cover me with it before I could speak against such silliness. He went to lay me flat as if I were something fragile, and I noticed for the first time a thin melting frost that covered the leaf litter around me “I shall go fetch Lord Stark and the Maester-”

“No.” Came out as I grasped his arm, preventing him leaving, I could think of few other things that might be worse than speaking to Ned or anyone south of the Wall of what had only just occurred to me. “No that is quite alright thank you.” This was said as I pushed myself up weakly, and he put a hand on my back to support me. A silence sat between us which I finally chose to break by saying “I am just weak from travel.” as far as explanations went, it was fairly frail. 

“If that is your wish.” He said finally, face uncertain, I was sure that he would tell Ned at his first given chance, but perhaps there was another way to approach this. “Are you certain you’re well my lady?” He said after a moment, and I nodded before speaking.

“Yes, I should be better in a moment.” My hand went to the back of my head and the ache that was building there, the sight could be gentle like a breeze across one's thoughts or harsh enough to steal one away for days, returning the mind to the body only when it could hold it no longer. With some strength I could direct it, and it was a rare thing for me to be in a vision for any great length of time. But if the sight needed you to see something, you were seeing it. The headache was a result of this, that I had no doubt about. “I don’t suppose you have any water?” 

“No my lady, but I can go get you some. One moment,” he helped me towards the base of the Weirwood, setting me against its bark before leaving at a hefty pace. He was all leg right now, but I could see that when he was truly grown he would be on par with my brother in height at least. It was but a few moments before the boy came running back, water skin in hand determined look on his face. Immediately I knew he told somebody, I couldn’t say quite how I knew, but there was look about him, a determination in his eyes if you will. 

“You spoke to someone didn’t you?” I said as he came close, handing me the water-skin, my tone was as playful as I could make it, but I could still see him bristle- if only a bit. He nodded, and I knew that I should have explained to him why I didn’t think it was worth fussing over. In this I was reminded that a stranger could not be expected to agree with my needs if they didn’t understand my motives; he didn’t know that I would be okay, he assumed that I didn’t want to make a fuss, which was true. But he had no frame of reference for me besides ‘she just came back from a terrible place’, never mind what I knew- he couldn’t magically know my mind.

“Aye, I apologize my lady- but Lord Stark should know.” He said looking pensive, the way he said this told me that he hadn’t spoken directly to my brother. The only hope I could hold at this point was that the servant might go straight to my brother, and not decide to play a game of Raven with the other castle staff. “If there was something seriously wrong, I couldn’t stand by and do nothing.”

“No no,” I said holding up a hand to forestall any further explanation, “I understand, I still just wish you hadn’t. My brother, even when we were children worried enough for the lot of us. Troubling him is the last thing I want to do.”

“I hardly think Lord Stark will be troubled.” The boy commented small but friendly smile on his face, I returned it without thinking and for a moment there was something in his face- like a the twist someone has in expression if they aren’t sure if what you are saying is true or just some terrible joke, that told me maybe he didn’t see them all to often. 

“What did you say your name was again?” I asked suddenly compelled to know, he was long enough in introducing himself, most would think it rude. A bit of sheepishness came over his expression now, and a it seemed as though there was dread in his eyes, expectation of something.

“Jon my lady, Jon Snow.” His voice was quiet but his speech never wavered, although I could see him practically gulp with this as he looked away, if he were a wolf his tail would be tucked firmly away. Body language was a powerful thing, and living among things that were social in nature, but not entirely human could teach a person communication in way that no one would be able to replicate. 

“A Stark.” I said correcting him, he had not the name perhaps by the Southern laws, but among the Freefolk he would be no one else- at least without a mother that was. A son was a son, just as a daughter was a daughter, living breathing children were more important than some mans name or pride. Although with what I could see of him, and of what I remembered of myself I wouldn’t doubt that the Folk would accept him as my son without second thought. 

“A Snow my lady,” he said correcting and looking entirely that much more uncomfortable for it, there was no doubt in my mind that he was wishing he could flee now. “My mother was not married to my father- if my presence upsets you I will leave.”

“None of that boy,” I said putting a hand on his shoulder, “I’ve brought more bastards into this world with my two hands then any King or lord could count, I’m not going to be offended by one more.” This seemed to surprise him, and the expression on his face was one that said he might not entirely believe me, so I decided to elaborate. “I am, or at least before I came back to the Wall- was a midwife and healer. The Freefolk don’t take easily to bonds, and so even words of marriage are rare for them. If I say your a Stark, too me then you are a Stark and nothing less.”

He didn’t say anything for one good long moment, uncertain as it was and I couldn’t help but think that this was a weird conversation to be having with a boy I’d just met. But family was family, and I had to make him understand this. The frown I could feel developing on my face must have compelled him to say something, as he simply said “If that is what my lady wishes.” And I had to fight the hint of annoyance I felt at this, not because he was simply accepting of my choices but rather because he was closing himself off, and I could see this. 

The sound of rapid footsteps halted any further consideration on my part, and I looked up to see Benjen and Ned making their way rapidly towards us. There was some relief on their faces as they could see that I was well, if not entirely as well as they might have thought and I let out a soft sigh. Another man was behind them, older and grey with a chain of learning around his neck- the Maester. I’d met him earlier, although it had been brief, Luwin was his name, a Maester replacing the older man who’d served the Stark family before, and with this I settled back against the tree again.


	5. Summer Seeds

When the autumn colors pass  
Through the season's hourglass  
Once again there is winter in me  
When November's grass is browned  
By the frost upon the ground  
It is then you'll find the winter in me  
But underneath the fallen snow  
Lies a harvest yet to come  
For just as spring is guaranteed  
Life is etched into the seed  
Time to welcome the winter in me  
~Skyler Grey, Winter in Me

 

The maester in all his kindness checked my pulse, and breathing before accepting my excuse that I had been over tired by my journey. After being carried to my room by my brother, I was put on bed rest until dinner came. The meal itself was a subdued affair, the servants quiet but jovial- I was seated next to my brother, but I found it difficult to talk, and I envied Benjen for his ability to move about the hall and sit wherever he pleased.

The food at least was plentiful, tasty and filling- three things I could honestly say I hadn't been privy to for a long time. In this perhaps I should not have indulged as I did in the wine, I hadn’t been a big drinker before going North, but years of fermented milk and honey did make a girl miss the finer things of her youth. Although the mead was very good, if you knew where to find it. My man loved mead so much I learned to make it when I could, but bees were hard to come by in the North- so the only time I could make it was when we traded for honey from one of the warmer valleys.

It was unfortunate of me to have indulged so however, as I found myself starting to lean a bit on poor Rob, who had been seated next to me. But it couldn’t be helped, it was clear to me that the drink was going to my head and as I tried to stumble to my room I was grateful to find Jon, leaning outside of the entrance hall as if I’d just caught him about to retire for the night as well. Of course, I didn’t exactly ask for assistance, but rather acquired it after nearly face planting on the cold cobblestones of the hallway.

The journey back to my room was a muddle of me regaling him with the tale of how I single handedly halted the Thenn raid on a small village- almost single handedly, (Which was entirely true, if you didn’t count the avalanche that covered the larger group of Thenns- the snow bear story was better). Truth be told I wasn’t certain if I even kept the story straight, but as my man said sometimes it was better that way, and I made it back to my room in good spirits. 

“And there you are my lady,” He said to me finally letting go of the arm he had been using to keep me upright, a bemused smile on his face “Rest will do you some good, or so I hear.” This made me make a noise of disgust in the back of my throat, good natured smile still on my face even then- I’d heard enough of that today to last me until next week. 

“My thanks to you,” I finally with what I was sure was an exaggerated nod, “Your a good lad.” The pat to the head I gave him was an afterthought, something I often gave to the Freefolk boys who would do errand for me from time to time. But it felt right, and I didn’t miss the look in his eye then, but neither did I acknowledge it- it was too soon, and he had already proven to be the sort that was easily spooked by shows of affection. The look of a child to long forgotten, finding something of what they needed to survive in the harsh reality of our world.

_____________________________________________________________

 

The door clicked shut behind the lady as Jon stood there, and he made sure to wait for the sound of the latch before turning to go. There was something there, in the warmth of how she regarded him, and it made his chest ache in a good way. An anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach swirled and he realized that he was afraid of her, as much as he tried to respect her, he was wary. It was similar to how he felt when his uncle came to visit, helping with Jon’s training or chores. 

A reminder of rare moments when he was happy and entirely carefree, he wasn’t sure what to think about this, or about his new aunt. But her being home made his father happy, and that was enough for now. The sound of familiar footsteps made him look up and he was greeted by the sight of his father and uncle, ever the worriers- the lady had that right at least.

“Jon,” his father said with a nod before adding “Have you seen your aunt Lyra?” He nodded, catching sight also of the old maester behind the two men. Gesturing back the way he’d come, he answered his father dutifully. “In her room, thought it would be wise to walk her back, considering what happened earlier.”

His father clapped him on the shoulder with a nod, “Good of you Jon, you head on to bed now boy. We’ve got an early morning tomorrow.” Jon simply nodded to his father, pride welling up in him as he walked on, unawares of the look shared by the three men behind him.

“Good of him to keep an eye on her.” Benjen said once the boy was out of earshot, turning to his brother, “Foolish of me not to do the same, I knew that she was thin. But I dinna think she would be weak.” There was a great deal of rebuke in his words, and he leaned against one of the hallway walls, arms crossed and both of the other men knew that it was only directed at himself. Of the three Benjen was still the youngest, and was again still more likely to take things to heart.

“It can’t be helped Benjen, even I did the same.” Eddard looking towards the door as if it he could see through the wood, concern creased his face- he had done as much as he could do for now, but in the future he would have to be more considerate. Not just of how his sister might feel, but also of what she might be unable to do, he took for granted her otherwise healthy appearance. There was a thinness to her now, one that he hadn’t accounted for at first, but turning to the maester he made a decision. “Could you see to my sister again on the morrow? I don’t wish to trouble you Maester, but if there is anything we’ve missed.” His sentence trailed off, but everyone present knew what he meant.

“Say no more Lord Stark, I understand completely,” He seemed to consider his next words before speaking, “In truth I was intending to just just that- you see, her collapse was likely because she was overreaching her own strength. But I felt another day might affirm this diagnosis.”

“You are uncertain?” Ned questioned quietly, not accusing but more curios. The Maester made a gesture as if to say perhaps, before answering verbally. “It is clear to me that she has been under a great deal of stress, both physically and mentally. A day might give her time to rest, and I deemed her alignment not to be of the immediately dangerous kind.” Both of the other men acknowledged this with grave nods, the Maester was a man worth trusting and his knowledge in the ways of the body. 

“Do you suspect an ailment in particular?” Benjen asked quietly, to stoic to outwardly show that he might in fact be worried about losing his sister for a second time. He and Eddard shared a look, Stark eyes speaking silent words that the Maester could not decipher. The Maester shook his head slightly, before saying 

“Not one I would put name to as of yet, it could simply be fatigue my lords. Fear not, the morning shall bring to us answers.” This was as much as any of the men could hope for, and so they left it at that. But for a time after his companions departed, Eddard stood looking at the dark wood of the door, heart sick with a dark emotion that he knew all too well. He had already resigned one sister to the crypts before her time, and he prayed to the Old Gods that he might avoid this same fate with another. 

_______________________________________________________________

 

Morning sun brought me wakefulness with first light, and not entirely because I wished to wake just then. Indeed, I woke with eyes crusted from tears I didn’t remember crying. Likely for the same reason that I found myself sleeping cross ways on my bed, instead of properly laid out. Memories were stronger when I had some drink in me, and my dreams made no exceptions to that rule. Ash, ever the worrier came over to ensure I was at least still alive, and in fact she greeted me in the way that some wolves might greet their alphas, by putting her mouth right over my face. Wolf breath first thing in the morning was not my first choice, moving about my room much like an old woman I rattled my way towards the bathing room attached to my chambers, a luxury that most rooms in Winterfell had. Hot spring water was the heartbeat of the keep, and it flowed through the walls of Winterfell and into the faucets that were affixed to the walls of the keep here and there.

Each room had a stone or wood tub big enough for a large man, and a basin small enough to hold the water required to bathe ones face and hands as well. This was coupled with drains that allowed the soiled water to leave the basin and tub when it one was done using it, and even a place to dump ones chamber pot after it had been used. As a child I’d taken these things for granted, but after having stayed in the capitol, and in the rough country side I would never forsake these things again. Languishing a bit in the hot water, I washed away the sweat of sleep and headache i'd collected from the day before, slipping into a set of clothing put aside for me. 

The dress was too large, meant for a woman taller than I, and I didn’t feel entirely comfortable walking around in one if I was being entirely honest, it had been a week since my return, so it was better that I get use to it once more. A week and yet it had been a week of work, and rest in equal turns, convincing my brother that the Free folk deserved a fair chance, while also being endlessly returned to my chambers for bed rest. The day before I had been seen to by a seamstress, and while new clothing would be ready for me soon, soon was not today. In truth I would admit that my skins and my undergarments were sore in need of cleaning- in my hut I had more than one set, specifically so that I could clean them and still be able to go outside if needs be. But for the most part here, I didn’t think I would need to worry about that just yet. Still I felt naked without my armor, and this made me tuck a blade into the sleeve of my dress. No one would find me defenseless, never again. 

A knock on the wood of my door caught my attention, and after a secondary check in the tarnished silver mirror set against a wall I called for the person to enter. It was the old Maester accompanied by the boy Jon, and a servant woman who was carrying a tray of foods. Jon it seemed was carrying something for the Maester, and gesturing for the woman to put her burden on the table to the side of my room, I took a moment to look at her carefully- I knew her, of this I was sure. But the years had stolen her name from my memory, was it Heirder- Gretta maybe? Guilt suffused me at this, and I wished briefly I could remember more then her face and kind words.

Shaking this thought away I had Jon leave his bundle on the table as well before I turned to address the Maester, “Good morning Maester Luwin, to what do I owe the honor?” I was actually not at all surprised to see him, as he had been coming to see me every other day to ensure my health.

“Good morning to you to My lady, forgive my sudden visit if you would, but your Lord Brother asked me to check on you once more.” He said this easily enough, and I could see the truth in his words, but I was also sensing that he was glad for the excuse. This I would bet money was for the same reason I double checked on any patients I had, even if they were not obviously ailing from something. Illness cured was one thing, but caring for a patient often meant more than simply treating symptoms.

“Of course, I would expect no less.” I said moving to sit at the table, Gretta- I was certain her name was Gretta moved to leave closing the door behind her. Jon it seemed was caught between staying and leaving, but in truth I didn’t mind either way, I would leave it up to him whether or not he should stay. There was nothing I had to hide about my health, and nothing the Maester was likely to ask me to do would be intrusive- or at least it had better not be. There was more than enough food on the tray, and so I invited both to break fast with me, pouring tea into wooden cups provided. 

“Perhaps I should start first with questions, and progress from there. If that sits well with you my lady?” The Maester said as he cradled his cup close, blowing away the steam of it. 

Nodding in assent I said calmly, “Of course, I could expect nothing less.” The questions were mostly inane, had I shortness of breath, was I easily tired, that sort of thing. A question about my monthly cycle made the poor boy choke on his tea, and I tried to hide my amusement but I wasn’t sure I entirely succeeded.

“Is it normal for your cycles to be so?” He asked interrupting my amusement, and I nodded, his previous comment had of course divulged the fact that was in truth common of most women of the Folk.

So I answered honestly, “Truly, it is actually quite normal among the Free Folk for woman not to bleed as regularly as they might south of the Wall.”

“Is it the cold?” He ventured, and I shook my head setting down my now empty cup before answering. “No, the cold comes and goes, and women birth and carry babies regardless. The reason cycles are so irregular is in fact due to the effort needed to live in the North, resources can be scarce.”

“So starvation then is the culprit?” He ventured and I made a gesture that said both yes and no. Explaining my situation would take more effort, and so I tried to think of a delicate way of putting it. “I am perhaps a bit more active than most women of the Folk, even more so than many of the Spearwives- women who learn to fight, and that requires that I maintain my ability to travel even in the harshest weather. Babies need to be birthed, and wounds need to be mended you see.”

“You’re a folk healer?” he questioned, interest plain- he was reacting to this information well, in truth I’d expected more rejection from a man of learning. Why you might ask? Because sadly the Maesters of the citadel were known for rejecting the opinion of women simply because they were women, and stealing any work the might have done to better the human condition. None of this had ever come up in our previous conversations. He however seemed to shelve his interest for the moment asking another question, “Do you know of any substances that are used as methods of contraception?” A weird one off question it might seem, but I suspected that I knew where this was heading. This of course made poor Jon choke again, and we both gave him an amused look at this. He waved off our concern with a red face, and I turned back to the Maester.

“Yes of course,” I said moving to grab a small book I kept safe from one of my packs, “The most common of course is also one used south of the wall, Moontea, or Varena leaves- usually crush and steeped for a time. Bitter but useful.”

“A method you are familiar with, and do you ascribed to it?” He asked gently and I nodded, before verbally confirming this.

“I’m a woman, not a saint.” He nodded in understanding, pouring himself some more tea and gesturing towards my cup. Handing it to him, he seemed to weigh his next words before he spoke and as I waited I blew the steam off my cup thoughtfully. 

“Moontea of course is known to disrupt the natural cycle, and it is in fact part of its intention.” He said this, and I nodded to show that I was both of agreement and following his train of thought, “Which would explain that much, but I was wondering if you might allow me to do a small test?”

“Test?” it was of course a natural question, and it was leading away from the real reason I collapsed a week ago- so I would encourage this much at least. “Yes, thankfully I have the required items with me, common enough as the test is, the items needed are hard to come by if you are not a Maester.”

“If you think it will help, then I’m always willing to give it a try. What must I do?” I questioned, genuinely interested in where this might be heading. Curiosity was one of my greatest bains, and boons some might say. He spoke again after pulling out a small pin from his pack, followed by a tiny dish made of clay and a vial of something, a small jar joined these items, and the tiniest spoon you might ever find was set next to the lot. The pin he put into the flame of a nearby candle, sterilizing the tip before turning back to me. “You need only give me a bit of blood, a drop or two will do. And with that I should be able to see if this powder reacts accordingly.”

“I see,” I said somewhat amused, hold out my hand before commenting with some amusement, “Alright then, but just to warn you there are some who would kill for a drop of my blood.” He moved to pull my hand over the dish before pricking my finger gently, one drop fell and then a second, and then the Maester was putting a small bead of an herbal substance on the wound. It barely hurt, and the substance smelled familiar- much like one of the concoctions I used to treat cuts and burns. 

“Is that so? Might I ask why someone might value your blood?” he said putting away the small jar he had, reaching for the the vial of strange dust. 

“Oh one of the tribes of the North think I’m a god, and they believe drinking my blood will make them immortal.” This was said by me in such a nonchalant way that most would take it for a weird joke, and to those who didn’t know me it might have been. But it really was not a joke, even though I wished it so. 

“That is very peculiar.” The Maester said taking a tiny spoonful of the dust and dropping it into the collection of blood. ”Have you tried advising them otherwise?” He stoppered the vial again, returning it to his bag as well. 

“Yes, yes I have.” I said with a sad sigh, looking at the substance now as the blood and the powered mixed, “So what exactly are we looking for here, if I might ask Maester Luwin?”

“Well you see my dear, if the dust and blood stays pink it’s negative- if it turns blue its positive.” A few moments passed and nothing happened, and I had to question on the tip of my tongue as I watched the dust turn a very interesting shade of blue.

“Positive for what exactly?” This reaction it seemed prompted the Maester, to look at Jon then back at myself before speaking.

“Perhaps you could give us a moment Jon?” the look on the boys face was uncertain. If the Maester asked him to leave there must be a very serious reason, but making him go now would be a mistake- I could see it in his eyes. His curiosity would gnaw at him.

It was a familiar feeling and I felt this would be a good point for me to intercede, “If you would rather not, I can understand. But I am assuming-” this I directed at the Maester, “That this is something you consider a very private matter.” The Maester nodded, and for a moment there was a look on the boys face that was uncertain. Prompting him felt like the right thing to do here, “If you stay I must insist that you speak of what you hear to no one. Not even your father.” 

That was a tall order, so I felt also that I might add something else “Some things must come from the person who its is affecting, and all I ask is that you do not speak of it.” He seemed to seriously think on this before nodding once and I turned back to the Maester. His expression was closed off, although there was a speculative glint in his eye, but then he nodded in agreement and I turned back to the Maester. There was this weight in my heart that said I knew what he would say, but my mind could not discern it. 

“If this is your wish my lady.” The Maester said taking a breath before speaking again, as if he was trying to weight how exactly he would explain something, “According to this test my lady, you carry life within you.” The world stopped for a moment, or so it seemed as I sat there looking at the maester. A part of me was truly unsurprised by this announcement- the part that was better at being rational and tracking the goings on physically. But there was also a part of me that was surprised, and not in a good way.

Not because I was unwilling to have a child- for that was something that I held in my heart of hearts, the thought that one day I could have a being that I made, a legacy, a life who would be entirely new and beautiful. No, my greatest fear would be losing that life- for whatever reason, a life I put into this world cruelly taken away before its time. Such was the thing of nightmares, and a constant companion, as children in the north again were so very vulnerable. But I wasn’t in the north anymore, and I could bring a child into this world without the same level of fear, or so I might be able to believe. Westeros had its on dangers- this much was true, but death from the cold and death from the others was a distant threat here, not a constant one.

“My lady?” broke me from my thoughts and I found myself looking down, hand on my stomach, I was sure when i’d done this. But I knew my silence must have lasted for someone to have tried to get my attention, it was Jon of course- and the poor boy looked downright distressed, for which I couldn’t blame him. There were so many implications that such a declaration might have, and many of them were not good.

“I’m sorry Jon, I was just surprised.” Giving them both what I hoped was a soothing smile, I wasn’t sure that I was succeeding- I could feel tears gathering, and this would not send a clear message of how I was feeling. The look on his face was not a believing one, so I tried to think of a way to make him understand, something I could say that would clear up this whole mess. “I did not think I would ever have children.”

This was said to the Maester and Jon both, the dawning realization on their face soothed my worry a bit, and I looked back down at the tea cup I’d set on the table- tea likely now cold. “This is happy news then?” The Maester said, a small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

“Yes, although explaining this to my brothers…” My voice trailed off at this as I gave the men a look that said it all, something coupled with dread and ‘what can you do’.

“Lord Stark is going to have some things to say.” Jon said and I caught a hint of humor there. Bless the boy for trying to lighten the mood, and I couldn’t stop myself from quipping back.

“He usually does.” Putting a hand up to rub my chin in a thoughtful manner, I put on a faux knowing look, “Its worse generally when he doesn’t.” This made a smile come across his face, and I counted it as a win. Making people smile could be hard, but it was in my experience worth the effort. But this was me trying to avoid the question at hand- and that question was, how in the world did I tell my brothers? Plural, as Benjen was still here, if only for a few more days.

Sighing I grabbed the tea kettle from the table and tested it before refilling my cup. Eddard was going to lose his mind- or at least this was the first thought that struck me, which was coupled soon by the fact that he perhaps would not. It was hard to say, so much had changed since we were young, in my weeks here already we found ourselves at a loss. Sometimes I would watch him watching me, both of us trying to find the common ground between what we had been, and what we were now. It was there, but like so much it had been covered up, like tracks in the snow.


End file.
